Naghihintay

Matagal tagal na rin akong nakaupo sa silyang ito.

Napa-aga ata ako ng dating kung kaya't wala pa ang hinihintay ko. Sanay naman ako maghintay eh, ilang beses na rin kasi akong naupo dito sa pwestong ito para maghintay ng kung sinu man ang susundo sa akin.

Hindi ako mareklamong tao kaya kahit tirik na tirik ang sikat ng araw eh may ngiti pa rin sa aking mga labing masisilayan. Hindi nakakunot ang aking noo. Pinagpapawisan pero hindi ko na ito pinapansin, may dala naman akong panyong pamunas.

Ilan minuto pa ang lumipas at wala pa rin sya. Kaya ko pa naman maghintay kaya nilibang ko na lang muna ang sarili ko. Nagmasid ako ng mga taong napapadaan sa akin harapan. May iba't ibang katangian. May masaya, may malungkot. Iba ibang mukha.

Isang bata na hinahabol ang kanyang laruang bola ang napadaan sa harapan ko. Napangiti ako. Naalala ko nung bata ako. Musmos na walang muwang. Musmos na walang pinoproblema kung hindi ang kanilang laro at gutom. Musmos na ang nasusugatan lang ay ang balat. Musmos na ang tanging sakit lang na nararamdaman ay ang sugat sa katawan at ang palo ng nagmamahal na magulang.

Wala pa rin siya...

Maingay na dumaan naman ang isang barkada sa aking likuran. Nilingon ko sila dahil naalala ko ang aking mga kaibigan. Naalala ko ang mga biruan at harutan namin. Mga kulitan na nagpatatag sa aming samahan. Ang mga inuman na lalong nagbigay sa amin ng dahilan para maging malapit. Ang mga problemang bumuhos sa bawat sandali nito. Ang mga luha at tawa na aming pinagsaluhan. Sa mga panahong akala ko ay wala na ang lahat ngunit sila'y nandyan pa rin. Takbuhan, kakulitan, at karamay.

Ilang minuto pa ang dumaan. Wala pa rin ang aking hinihintay.

Tinext ko sya kung nasaan na sya.

Ilang minuto pa ulit ngunit walang sagot. Napaisip ako, baka naligaw? baka natrapik? nasabi ko ba kung saang lugar? nandito lang naman ako, hindi ako umaalis sa kinalalagyan ko. hindi ba nya ako makita?

Umupo sa tabi ko ang isnag magkasintahan. Mukhang galit ang isa at ang isa naman ay walang humpay ang pagso-sorry. Nangiti ang una at bigla silang nagyakap. Nagkukulitan na sila. Sweet silang dalawa. Nahiya ako nang mapatingin ako sa kanila. Naiinggit,. Hindi pa sya dumarating.

Napaisip ako ulit.

Nagsimulang umambon, wala akong payong na dala. Hindi naman sya ganoon kalakas kaya hindi na ako nag-atubiling umalis pa sa aking pwesto baka dumating na sya.

Maya maya pa'y may pumarang sasakyan sa may bandang di kalayuan. Alam kong sya na yun. Sya na ang hinihintay ko. Bumaba siya mula sa sasakyan at naglabas ng payong. Naglakad siya patungo sa aking direksyon ng may ngiti sa kanyang mukha. Akoy tumayo sa akin kinauupuan at dahan-dahang tumungo sa kanya. Habang ako'y papalapit ay unti-unti ring lumalakas ang buhos ng ulan na parang bang may sinasabi.

Kaunting hakbang na lang ngunit bigla syang dumiretso papalayo sa akin.

Parang di man lang ako nakita. Ako'y natigilan...napatingin sa kanyang patutunguhan. Bumagsak ang aking luha kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan...di ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin...di ako makakilos...wala akong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak...

Tumigil na ang ulan...tumigil na rin ang aking pagluha...wala naman akong magagawa...wala...hanggang dun lang kami...yun lang un...makikita ko lang sya pero hindi sya sa akin patungo...makakasalubong ngunit hindi ako hihintuan...hanggang dun na lang...

Ilang saglit lang ang nakaraan wala na siya. At ako naman'y naiwan ulit dito sa aking kinalalagyan. Naglalakad patungo sa dating silya kong kinalalagyan. Sa isang silyang naging saksi sa lahat. Balik sa simula.

Balik sa paghihintay. Paghihintay sa kung sino man ang darating at ako'y susunduin. Ako'y maghihintay, kahit ako'y nasasaktan.

Paulit ulit. Maghihintay. May darating. Hindi pwede. Aalis. Makakalimot. Ako'y masasaktan

Ako'y maghihintay muli.

...shorts...

this is just going to be a very short post since I am having another writer's block.,


well [insert name here]'s been running constantly on my mind., I have even dreamt about [insert name here] for two days., the first one was [insert name here]'s name and the second time was in person., all I could remember from the second dream was that [insert name here] was sitting on a chair and that we are talking., and then we bumped shoulders., hehehe., that's just about it., ;)., i am so kilig!.,


i really cant get [insert name here] out of my mind., from the time I wake up, when trying to take a nap, before going to sleep., (siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhh!)., i've even thought of [insert name here] while attending the mass., ;)., I have to stop this., i have to., I know i have to., I need to...

...I just want to be...

I have joined a 30 day song challenge in facebook where in you are to post music videos for 30 days., there are different categories per day., so my first day is today, and the category that was assigned for day 01 was my favorite song., I was taken aback a little bit by the category since I have a lot of favorite songs., I have liked many genre of songs that I really can't single out what I would post., but then...I just realized that I have a song that may summarize everything that I want to say., from the beginning., everything that I have been feeling., I just want to be happy., a song for me.,

Happy

by Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
on't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

Photo from: http://i.olhares.com/data/big/282/2821291.jpg

...really confused...

I played hide and seek with my friends a few days ago. But until now, I'm still not found. Maybe, I hid too well, but I'm just standing here, and I didn't even hide. - Anonymous

...apologizing...

Photo from: http://pursuinghispurpose.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/sorry.jpg

i thought that this "thing" about [insert name here] will not be much of a big deal for me since this isn't the first time that I have secretly fallen for someone., by the way i am very good at it., hiding my feelings for someone., hehehe., ;)

rather showing [insert name here] my feelings I have made subtle moves to show [insert name here] that something is up., hehehe., schemings that led into ME, falling even more deeply with [insert name here].,

now i'm confused with everything., confused of whether this is just an infatuation or is it something beyond that., confused as to whether this is right or wrong (but the fact that I know that it is really wrong makes it more difficult)., i know [insert name here] and I will never have anything more than what we have right now because [insert name here] has someone., i'll just have to accept the fact that [insert name here] and I are just friends., friends is all we ever could be and that's just about it.,

i won't confess to [insert name here] cause it is bending the rules (here i go again with the rules!)., hehehe., but i'm happy that i am having a great time whenever we are together (cannot mention how we are having a great time since it may exploit [insert name here]'s identity)., hehehehe., ;)

if ever [insert name here] is reading this.,

please never mind everything i just said., i am not in the position to beg for you since there are circumstances that I have to consider and also, you have to consider., sorry if I am not being vocal., sorry if i can't express this in front of you., sorry., I am really very sorry., and also sorry that I am feeling this way towards you., i am very sorry.,

Photo from: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguetaZ66qHZJxj0Ao21SMpSvYaVBAx55OtbIVPFkeAc_u1eOo98MIaLdFMg3ax2h2jUQPvL44mOrBojtbMKi8UP-ZlU75bJmynYJ6houhv5EA3EasKh1DC0Ruke67euaMcrrxnV8D0_4k/s1600/im-sorry.jpg

...can't get enough...

"I'm in love, sweet love
Hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame
I'm in love, sweet love
Don't you ever go away, it'll always be this way"

"But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth"

"I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth,
Out on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment with you" 

"Why oh Why, Do I feel this way?
When I'm with you I feel so alive
Why oh Why, will I hide away
I can't help it
I'm falling in love with you"

"Maybe, it's wrong to say please love me too
'Cause I know you'll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day"

"My heart is playing tricks on me
And it's building bricks on me
I can't break through
And I can't face you"

"So I hid inside
(Till) I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
Hiding inside myself"

"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you"

...secretly inlove...

I really don't like to admit this here but I am secretly inlove with someone right now., i can't really mention any names here because I am not in the position to post any names without the consent of the persons involved (and for the fact that I am afraid...remember bending the rules?).,


i have been with this person for not a very long time but come to think of it I never actually noticed [insert the name here] until lately., ;)


this post won't be that long since I might spill out details and [insert the name here] might find out!., i am just bothered today because I can't get [insert the name here] out of my mind., i think of [insert the name here] everytime, at night, before sleeping, when I wake up in the morning., haaaaayyyyy!!., i can't get enough of [insert the name here].,


I can't tell [insert the name here] that I have feelings., I'll just stay here and be an admirer., hehehe., ;)


that's it for now., i think i'll have to create a new blog so that i can let everything spill out., hehehe., ;)