I shouldn't be doing this right now because I am not supposed to...This has never been right...and it will never be right...I knew it right from the very beginning...
Kung tatanungin mo ako kung saan ako..."SAYA" o sa "TAMA"...ang sasabihin ko sayo ay sa SAYA...sa isang kadahilanan...kasi masaya ka(ako)...you're happy and you don't care what other people would say or think...you don't care if other people belittle you for something that makes you happy...
"I think, if you really know something is right, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have to be true to yourself. You may be alone in what you believe, but to do anything else is wrong."
but there is a big BUT that needs to be considered...yes you are happy but aren't you going to make someone or the ones you love sad?...that's the question I have always been asking myself...if I choose my happiness wouldn't the ones I love suffer?...
Minsan gawin mo man kung ano ang “mas tama”, alam mo sa sarili mo na kung ano ang naramdaman ay siyang laging “mas totoo”…
CHiCO LOCO
I've tried to stay away but I really can't...napagsabihan na nga rin ako ng mga kaibigan ko na wag ko na ituloy ang kung ano man ito...maghanap nung may posibilidad...ung may chance ba...hindi ung aasa na lang ako at hanggang pag-asa na lang ang gagawin ko...nakasanayan ko na rin kasi ang ganito...hindi ko rin alam kung bakit palagi na lang ako bumabalik sa kung anu mang ginagawa kong ito...at ang mahirap pa...iisang sitwasyon lang ang lagi kong kinalalagyan...ni hindi man lang ako nakakawala sa paulit-ulit na mga pangyayaring ito...
Sabi nila sa akin paano mo malalaman kung hindi mo ita-try...pero paano ko ita-try kung malaki ang tayang nakalaan?...tulad sa poker...isang malaking risk ang pag taya mo ng all-in kung alam mo naman na yung hawak mong cards eh hindi ka naman talaga maipapanalo...kung i-try ko man...meron ba naman akong mapapala...oo sasaya ako pero sa bandang dulo ako pa rin naman ung walang mapapala...hehehe...
Oo gusto ko malaman ang magiging reaksyon mo kung malaman mo pero parang ayaw ko na lang din malaman kasi ayaw kong ma-disappoint...hindi naman sa umaasa ako pero nandun na yun eh...hindi na mawawala na aasa at aasa ka pa rin kahit papaano...
Gusto ko na maging close tayo...pero hindi ko rin yun magawa...nagawa...hindi ko alam kung paano mag-rereact sayo...hindi ko alam kung paano makikipag-usap sa iyo ng hindi ako nag-iisip ng mga bagay bagay...gusto ko mag start ng isang conversation pero lagi ako napipigilan ng kung sinu mang nasa utak ko...
"Sandali, wala talaga, wala eh. Kung meron mang dahilan 'to, katulad ng ipinipilit mo, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam. Oo, gusto kita, 'yun lang ang alam ko. Kung bakit, kailan nagsimula, papaano, hindi ko alam. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit sa lahat ng tao, eh ikaw pa, sa'yo pa. Paano mo ba malalaman kung paano, kung kailan, kung bakit?"
Out of respect, I had wanted to share my fears and my doubts. I was quickly learning that you can only share what others want to hear. Anything else needs to be kept in a locked place inside you, even if it festers and churns and finally makes you crazy.
Oh sure, they loved the boy I pretended to be; the good boy, the 'cause no trouble' boy, the normal boy. In my warm false cocoon of this love, I had believed they'd love the hidden boy, the boy who cried at night for just a touch, just a smile, just a recognition.
to that someone...sorry...sorry i haven't got the strength to face you and tell you the things that I really wanted to say...things that has been kept secret by those who are close to me...fearing that when everything has been revealed things will greatly change...
*some paragraphs are taken from a story I have read...thanks to the author...
