Huli

I shouldn't be doing this right now because I am not supposed to...This has never been right...and it will never be right...I knew it right from the very beginning...

Kung tatanungin mo ako kung saan ako..."SAYA" o sa "TAMA"...ang sasabihin ko sayo ay sa SAYA...sa isang kadahilanan...kasi masaya ka(ako)...you're happy and you don't care what other people would say or think...you don't care if other people belittle you for something that makes you happy...

"I think, if you really know something is right, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have to be true to yourself. You may be alone in what you believe, but to do anything else is wrong."

but there is a big BUT that needs to be considered...yes you are happy but aren't you going to make someone or the ones you love sad?...that's the question I have always been asking myself...if I choose my happiness wouldn't the ones I love suffer?...

Minsan gawin mo man kung ano ang “mas tama”, alam mo sa sarili mo na kung ano ang naramdaman ay siyang laging “mas totoo”…

CHiCO LOCO

I've tried to stay away but I really can't...napagsabihan na nga rin ako ng mga kaibigan ko na wag ko na ituloy ang kung ano man ito...maghanap nung may posibilidad...ung may chance ba...hindi ung aasa na lang ako at hanggang pag-asa na lang ang gagawin ko...nakasanayan ko na rin kasi ang ganito...hindi ko rin alam kung bakit palagi na lang ako bumabalik sa kung anu mang ginagawa kong ito...at ang mahirap pa...iisang sitwasyon lang ang lagi kong kinalalagyan...ni hindi man lang ako nakakawala sa paulit-ulit na mga pangyayaring ito...

Sabi nila sa akin paano mo malalaman kung hindi mo ita-try...pero paano ko ita-try kung malaki ang tayang nakalaan?...tulad sa poker...isang malaking risk ang pag taya mo ng all-in kung alam mo naman na yung hawak mong cards eh hindi ka naman talaga maipapanalo...kung i-try ko man...meron ba naman akong mapapala...oo sasaya ako pero sa bandang dulo ako pa rin naman ung walang mapapala...hehehe...

Oo gusto ko malaman ang magiging reaksyon mo kung malaman mo pero parang ayaw ko na lang din malaman kasi ayaw kong ma-disappoint...hindi naman sa umaasa ako pero nandun na yun eh...hindi na mawawala na aasa at aasa ka pa rin kahit papaano...

Gusto ko na maging close tayo...pero hindi ko rin yun magawa...nagawa...hindi ko alam kung paano mag-rereact sayo...hindi ko alam kung paano makikipag-usap sa iyo ng hindi ako nag-iisip ng mga bagay bagay...gusto ko mag start ng isang conversation pero lagi ako napipigilan ng kung sinu mang nasa utak ko...

"Sandali, wala talaga, wala eh. Kung meron mang dahilan 'to, katulad ng ipinipilit mo, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam. Oo, gusto kita, 'yun lang ang alam ko. Kung bakit, kailan nagsimula, papaano, hindi ko alam. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung bakit sa lahat ng tao, eh ikaw pa, sa'yo pa. Paano mo ba malalaman kung paano, kung kailan, kung bakit?"

Out of respect, I had wanted to share my fears and my doubts. I was quickly learning that you can only share what others want to hear. Anything else needs to be kept in a locked place inside you, even if it festers and churns and finally makes you crazy.

Oh sure, they loved the boy I pretended to be; the good boy, the 'cause no trouble' boy, the normal boy. In my warm false cocoon of this love, I had believed they'd love the hidden boy, the boy who cried at night for just a touch, just a smile, just a recognition.

to that someone...sorry...sorry i haven't got the strength to face you and tell you the things that I really wanted to say...things that has been kept secret by those who are close to me...fearing that when everything has been revealed things will greatly change...

*some paragraphs are taken from a story I have read...thanks to the author...

Crossing out one out of many...

Annyeong Haseyo!!!!!

this is what is keeping me busy nowadays...

it has been my dream to learn another language ever since I have started working...i don't really know why but this is what I want...and now that I have the time and the resources to add a little bit of new things under my resume I took the time to learn the language of something they call "Infinitely Yours!"...yes!!! that Korea!!

Korean is their official language in Korea and also Mandarin...but mostly Korean...worldwide, it is said there are millions who are speaking this language...many of the millions who speak korean are those who are affiliated directly to the country (merchants, businessmen, and those who have married a Korean) and the remaining are those, like me, that are just learning the language just because of pure interest...

too formal of a post, right?...hehehe...it is just out of the blue when I decided to learn the language...I was watching something in the net and then I said to myself that I want to learn Korean...

what I did learn first is how to write Hangul...korea'shand writing system...hehehe...that was just pure wrong as to what I have learned from a source in the net...it said that just like a child, that learned how to speak first rather than writing, I should start to learn to speak first...too late for that since I learned the writing system fast...hehehe...

so far, I have learned quite a few things...like saying Hi...Good Night...Good Morning...Nice to Meet you...and the basic stuffs...but I want more...hehehe...thanks to our very reliable youtube and google i can learn more without even paying for the lessons...hehehe...


Oh! I just remembered I need to watch the lesson for today!...


Bye!!!! or should I say...Annyeonghi Kasayo!!!! Annyeong Hashimnika!!! ^_^


Btw: I also wanted to be a member of a popular Korean boy group is also the reason why I wanted to learn the language...hehehe...

Sa Tinagal ng Panahon...

Haayyyy....sa tinagal tagal na panahon eh nasimulan ko na ulit itong pagsusulat dito., marami na ang nangyari simula nung naging iba ang mundong ginagalawan ko., maraming nagbago., may mga nawala., may mga dumaan., may mag dumating., merong mga nagpaalam., merong mga andyan pa rin., may paparating., at kung anu ano pang mga bagay bagay., buti na lang kinakaya ko pa itong mga ito.,

Kung sa bagay ibang tao na nga naman ako ngayun., hindi na ako ung tulad ng dati na panay ka-emo-han lang ang nalalaman sa bawat araw na ginawa., ahehehe., sa totoo lang meron pa rin namang parte sa akin na malungkot pero natatabunan na yun ng mga bagay na alam kong higit na importante., ahehehe.,

BUHAY --- tungkol sa buhay buhay ko., sa totoo lang ganun pa rin naman sya., pero ngayon mas matino na akong mag-isip ng tungkol sa mga bagay bagay., i mean, mas matured na ako kumpara sa dati kong sarili., naiisip ko na ngayon na hindi lang sa akin umiikot ang mundong ginagalawan ko., may mga taong mas matindi pa ang pinag-dadaanan kumpara sa mga napagdadaanan ko., hehe., siguro nga sa edad kong ito eh nararapat lang na mas maging mature na ako mag-isip., hehehe.,

PANGARAP --- hehehe., mataas pa rin ako mangarap hanggang sa ngayun., sino ba ang hindi., bukod sa libre eh masarap pa ang feeling kapag nangangarap ka dahil abot mo lahat., ahehehe., sa ngayon alam kong hindi ko pa kayang marating ung mga pangarap na yun pero balang araw eh makakahanap ako ng paraan para marating ko yun., alam kong hindi sa lahat ng oras eh magiging madali ang pag-abot ko sa mga yun pero alam ko rin naman sa sarili ko nakakayanin ko rin yun balang araw., tutal nagsisimula pa lang naman ako, so matagal tagal na panahon pa ang bubunuin ko., sa ngayon ok na muna ako dito kung nasan ako., hindi ko naman sinasabing mag-se-settle na lang ako sa kung anu ang nandyan, ang gusto ko lang is ung tipong alam kong handa na akong sumabak sa kung anu man ang haharapin ko bago ako magsimula.,

RESPONSIBILIDAD --- ito ang mahirap dito eh., hindi ko kasi kayang i-evaluate ang sarili ko sa kung responsable ba ako o hindi., basta ang alam ko lang eh saktong responsible lang ako., tamad nga kasi ako., ayoko ring pagmukhain ung sarili kong bida sa aspetong ito kaya pass tayo dito., ahehehe.,

KAIBIGAN --- sabi ko nga dati., parang hindi ko kakayanin na mabuhay na walang kaibigan., hindi ako sure kung isang araw malaman ko na lang na wala na pala akong mga kaibigan., lalo na kung malaman nila ang mundong ginagalawan ko., pero ngayon...alam na alam ko na marami akong kaibigan., maraming marami., hindi ko man sila nakakasama ng madalas alam kong nandyan lang sila., makakausap., makakaramay., (ayan nagiging drama na...)., pero sa totoo lang hindi ko inakalang mapapapasok ko sila sa isang mundong gawa ko., sa mundong ako lang dati ang nakapaloob., tinanggap nila ang mundo ko tulad ng pagtanggap ko sa mundo nila., kung baga sa Venn Diagram merong mga parts na talagang mag-o-over lap., hehehe., sa tinagal ng panahon marami na ang nagpaalam., merong mga nakaka-alala pa rin at meron din naman mga hindi na., hehehe., kilala nyo na kung sinu kayo., merong mga dumating na bago na kahit alam kong mas nakaka-angat sila sa akin eh alam kong hindi nila tinitignan kung nasaang posisyon ako.,

PAG-IBIG --- (lablayp) kung baga., ito ung pinaka-masaklap na parte eh., pero siguro sa ngayun hindi ko na to pinapansin., mas busy ako sa pagpapatakbo ng buhay ko bilang single., sa ngayon nasasabi ko sa sarili ko na mas masaya ako., kahit na paminsan minsan eh makikita mo akong nagmumuni muni sa kawalan., hehehe., hindi mo naman kasi maalis sa isang tao na umasa., umasang mayroong nakalaan para sa kanya., hehehe., ito drama na naman., hehehe.,

A Moment of Silence...

Today as everybody is celebrating the resurrection of our Almighty God, we on the other hand is grieving for the passing of one of our beloved relative.

We were all stricken by the news. We thought that Tito has been recovering well from his illness. We all thought that he can surely overcome this obstacle in front of his like he always did. But all our guesses were wrong. We have not anticipated this coming. They said that he was doing well and that in no time he will recover. But then it happened.

I didn't know just what to do but to give them the support they needed. I could not give comforting talks and words to them, all I can give them is hugs and the tears we shared.

Yes, I've been there (when I lost my grandmother) but still everything is really hard to handle. It is never really easy losing someone in your life especially someone who has been there for you always. It is never easy how you can just let go of everything that both you and that person shared.

To my Ate Em who lost the first man that she ever loved, her father, let me just say this. I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. I'll be here if you need someone to share your tears. I'll always be here, as your friend and as your cousin.

To my Tito, you can now rest peacefully with our Lord. Please watch over Tita, Ate Em, Faye, Choy, Micah, Junie and most especially Haley. We will miss you...