...It's official...

Yey! Today officially is the start of my rest day!

Alas! I will now have my ME time or at least try to have one!...ahehehehehehe...I have been stressing out since last week about my frustrations about anything and everything...but i realized that what I am so stressed about is something not to be stressed about...kind of confusing?...you'll get it once you feel the same way...


Well, enough is enough...i don't like to be so stressed out, that everyday I come home I feel exhausted, even though there isn't really much work in the office...i don't like to drag myself down for reasons that won't matter the least...hahahahahaha...


I will stop thinking...I will stop my emotional tantrums (for a while)...I will stop chasing...I will stop working...I will stop involving myself into things that I shouldn't really be involved...I will just STOP! (well not breathing to be specific)...


Enough said it my ME time...Time for me to hit the snooze button (well maybe not the snooze button coz i need to prepare) for tomorrow's planned activity...also I need to prepare for the out of town trip that me and my Family together with the family of my Ninang will go to...

By the way be ready for something (a project) i'm working on...

...P.D.E...

oh! what the hell is going on with me...I feel like crap...i'm so pathetic...


I feel like I am so desperate in looking for something...I even attempted to get back to history...actually that's not history...actually I still think about it from time to time...hehehehe...I also messaged a total stranger...that's so pathetic right?...I was just hoping for the best...please don't get me wrong...


the hell I care with waiting...everyone is telling the opposites...some will say Patience is a virtue, it will eventually come to you...but others also tell me that if I don't make a move it will never walk all by itself to get to me...the hell with that!...could you please give me a definite answer?...anyone can?...


This is not a rant (i am usually a calm person)...ahehehehhehe...

this is just a mere construction of thoughts that is going through the mind of an emotional, so desperate, person living in a made-up world of his own

...ahehehehe., what a statement...a mere construction of thoughts?...where in the world did I get that?...person living in a made-up world of his own?...what the?...is this really me saying all of this?...I think I should really stop watching those Korean and Thai Stuff...but I can't because they are so good at twitching every little emotion inside me...what the?!...what am I saying?...

Can you guess what the letters of the title means?...

...nothing personal...

I hate it whenever days like these come...

Holidays are round year events...especially here in the Philippines...I think that this country has the most number of celebrated holidays in the world...holidays here are most anticipated because they always end up being a non-working holiday...No Work!...Sleep All Day!...Yey!!

But every holiday being celebrated is beginning to become like the Valentine's Day...every couple starts taking advantage of the "Free Time" and begins converting it to "Sweet US Time"...for the Holy Week that we are celebrating, people(meaning couples) are planned to go somewhere (whether they would repent or not...hehe)...beaches and hot spots are fully booked...sigh!...

Enough of the crappy thoughts about all of that...what I am trying to say is that I am that "envious" of the likes...I don't have somewhere to go to this coming 4 days of vacation...I will be stucked here at home and have to put up with all the drama that may come or may not...I would have to stare at nothings when the programs on the television becomes too boring...I would sleep all day eventhough I need to lose those pounds...I won't spend my "free time" with someone...ahehehhehehe...I'm beginning to sound emo-ish again...But then again I think HE really wants me to think about stuffs (everything that's been happening in my life...my relationship with HIM) that's why he hasn't given me the right person yet...hehe...i'm willing to wait...but how long will it take?...

BTW!...I was at a meeting at the office today (and I was not really paying attention since I am not the one concerned) when I took the pictures below...I took a pen and scribbled things at the sides of my notebook and took pictures of it...hehehe...guess this is what "IT" does...you know what I am talking about...ahehehehee...

...Hong Kong please wait for me...

my head hurts...that's what I said when I was at work and also when I got home...I don't know whether it is because of thinking too much about something...someone...or just because of my sight starting to fail me...

It is the graduation day of my sister today!...at last her long wait is over...technically she graduated last October but she had to wait until April to march off for graduation...I gave her Php 1000 (yes i'm a bit cheap...because there are so much bills that I need to pay this coming days...) to help financing her little "handa"...

My sister with her long awaited diploma

Today is also the birthday of my cousin Eunice...our Ninang Joy put up a little celebration for her at their house...after munching on foods and (ahem...) Conti's Mango Bravo...we catched up on things...Let me tell you that both me and my ninang are home buddies so we don't have that much of a time to chat about things and stuffs, also our schedules doesn't meet...

Photo from: http://www.contis.ph/

We talked about the usual stuffs...about work...about transportation...and stuffs about my life...especially my posts about someone...that certain someone...ahehehehhehe...enough about that...what I'm really excited about is our plan for Hong Kong...I have been dying to go abroad ever since I transferred jobs and this is the perfect opportunity to do it (also the fact that I haven't been on a plane)...We planned the tour to happen next year at around the same month as today so that our summer will be a blast...I'd have to save up from now on so that my budget will meet the expenses for the trip...I really can't wait for that day...Hong Kong here I come...

Do you want to tag along?

Oh! by the way a great news came to me at around 6pm...and that made my day...really made my day...thanks to God...I topped two categories and was a runner up for one...ahehehehhe...guess what?...

...A letter to someone...

Dear someone,


Let me just talk to you...I just hope that this will reach you and know what I'm feeling for you...this is not a joke of any kind...this is the only way I know how to express everything...I am not courting you or anything because I don't have the guts to do that...and in many ways it is not allowed for both of us...you have your world and I have mine...we are two worlds apart but let me just bring this out...you won't even notice me...

I have been wondering ever since when will I find that someone...that someone who could take my breath away...that someone who could knock me off my feet...then you came...you didn't just took my breath away...you didn't just knock me off my feet...

You had me day dreaming...

how nice that I'd known you...I did...I received a text message from you when you were crying over your special someone who left you out in the cold...a wrong sent message that you accidentally sent to me...

We talked...I comforted you...I made you laugh...you had the sweetest...I felt like i was your knight in the shining armor...

how nice if we'd become closer...we did...you introduced me to your friends... they stared at me...being new to your clique...what a day it was!...all their questions...about the hows?...wheres?...whys?...and most specially the whats!?...but you just pushed their questions aside...you just stayed by my side...

how nice if they'd let me in...and they did...I became one of you "barkadas"...hanging out with them is a lot of fun...together with you at all times, having fun...the best days of my life...

how nice if  there'd be an "US"...then it happened...you said that you are beginning to like me...like mo more than what I can think of...I wasn't sure what to say but I do like you...I don't want to take the risk but I like you...giving up our friendship to something that might not last long...I didn't answered...but now I Love You...

I did get a hold of my mind an then there was US...we were enseparable...night and day...text messages after the other...phone call every minute or so..."Miss yous" seconds later after leaving each other's sides..."Love yous"..."Take Cares"...all the cheesy lines seems nothing to us...

Dates were always sweet...arguing about where to eat...you were as simple as it can be...you don't want to dine at expensive restaurants even though your family is so blessed...sometimes we'd share foods...you'd hold my hand while walking...you'd pinch my nose and i'd also pinch yours...we would baby talk each other when were alone...we say the sweetest thing to each other...

We'd fetch each other from work...i'd fetch you after work...sometimes you did coz you have a car...texting...arguing whenever someone's late...

We'd argue about petty things...my hair not being combed...my shirt not being ironed...my nails being long...me being home late...you and me going out on friday nights without each other's permission...texting late...answering the phone late....silly us...

How nice if i'd met your family...then I did...you manage to top off how I introduced you to my family...they were great...they welcomed me as like we are married and I am their son...they'd invite me to your family gatherings and outings...we'd cuddle up together sharing our beds in the resort...we'd play with your nieces and nephews and they'd call me Tito...

me and you saying "i'd like to be with you forever"...or just three simple words...

"I Love You"

....
....
....


what a dream...

I know that is quite an elusive dream but that is true...I like you a lot...no I don't like you...I love you...I don't want you...I need you...I will not cry if you'll leave...because I'd die...just the thought of that...


But I know that there's not a single chance that we'd end up together...we are really two worlds apart...you won't appreciate everything that I do...all the simple signs that I am throwing at you...you don't even notice me...

You don't have the slightest clue...we can't...I won't...you don't...you won't...

- Jhay

P.S.

"Fictional as some of them may seem, they give me hope for my own reality..."

Call me stupid...call me martyr...call me anything...but I Love You...I really do...

I won't admit this when you'll ask me...I won't even admit this to my friends...I'll just say it here...I'll just wish you would know that I am talking to you, straight at you...heart to heart...yes you...foolish me...crazy you...never us...


"Coz to you I am just a non-existent being in this world, I don't mean anything to you"



"I can't be with you as your boyfriend but that doesn't mean I don't love you"

my state...

I'm SAD
But I can't cry,
I'm MAD
But I can't shout.

I'm TIRED
Of this constant loneliness.
All ALONE
Facing the struggles.

Standing 
on the BREAKING edge of a cliff,
If I keep this state,
I might FALL deep.

CONFUSED
of who I want to be,
CONSUMED
by loneliness and envy.

So as I lay
my head in bed,
I WONDER
and think instead.

They say
happiness is a choice,
But what if
You don't have any at all?

Dessert overload!

Late last night I got home with a full stomach and a sugar rush...(if that still applies with my age)...

I went with my friends/officemates Reggie and Bern to Park Square near Glorietta to accompany them in purchasing new set of protectors for their IPhones...Since we haven't eaten dinner (since we ate late in the afternoon) we just decided to find somewhere to eat at Ayala Triangle, at least a lite meal will do since we are not that hungry...Our first option was eat at Banapple but there was no seats available for the three of us so we look for another place...Then we looked for Kanin Club, but again it was full so we went back to Banapple to wait for someone to leave their seats...Bern ask if there will be available seats and when she came back she told us that the resto is just serving Take-Outs (I think it's because it's almost closing time and they are full)...

We stopped by at Amici to get some gelato since we can't find any seats at the two resto mentioned above, then while we are looking at the menu (I guess) Reggie had this idea of just ordering 6 desserts for us to gobble on...we picked 4 cakes that was right off the menu and then 2 gelatos...

the cakes were great specially the Mango Sansrival that made me say ummm!!! ummm!!! First bite and I was like in heaven, it was like it was made for the gods...the magoes were sweet and fresh...it was a blockbuster for the three of us...two thumbs up for this one...

I also liked the one below I forgot it's name because I can't pronounce it...(it's italian or something) this one has hazelnut cream cheese and I think graham and some chocolate shavings...this will also have two thumbs up for me...actually I think i'm the one who actually took big bites of this one out of the three of us...hehehe!

Next is the Pistacciocolato which is a very fluffy cake with pistaccio paste in every layer of this cake, atop is again dark chocolate that dripped through the sides of the cake...this is also a good one so as to it's taste...I think this is the first time I have eaten a cake with pistaccio...wikipedia says pistaccio helps reducew the risk of heart diseases! wow! yummy and healthy at the same time...

Last on the list is the Merry Berry, it has blueberry and strawberry gelato with crushed grahams...I only took one bite of this just to check it's taste...I am not really a fan of berries...but I think it taste good...if only I could appreciate berries I think I would love this...

After finishing up the plate leaving just crumbs we billed out...the price is OK at Php 490 for everything...I think it is all worth the price because I enjoyed eating every single bite of everything maybe except for the Merry Berry...ahehehhehe...I think i'll recommend it to you guys to try Amici out for yourself...i'm sure you will not be disappointed...I think I still have the sugar rush...