...just me and ...

I lock myself up,

In my own space I feel safe and comforted.

Talking to walls i'm like crazy,

my every feelings they have witnessed.

If only they had arms they'd hug me,

but they don't it's just me and the four corners.

I drown myself with music,

Everytime others start going at it.,

Turning the volume to its peak.,

Just to hear nothing.

If only they had mouths they's whisper,

but they don't it's just me and the music.

I'm still alone after all,

in this world i've created on my own.

Just me, beside myself,

Just things, all inanimate.,

Is there something wrong,

with me I don't know.

Wishing and hoping,

wondering when and where.

Is someone going to come and break my walls.

But until that day comes,

It's just me and ...

...myself alone.

...to my surprise...

;)                                            >.<                                            :p                                             :)

What a way to end a day today!.,

I was just browsing facebook when I decided to visit TheOne's facebook page (not a surprise at all!., hehehe., ;) TheOne is my obssession)., I was just checking the albums there and all of a sudden a picture caught my attention.,

It stood out out of all 160 plus pictures., hehehehe., (but compared to TheOne's photo, it's nothing!.,)hehehehe., ;).,

So about this photo I was talking about., there is a girl standing on a veranda like place with a guy (maybe her boyfriend)., to my guess, if i'm not mistaken it is in MOA (Mall of Asia)., aside from that nothing more is unusual., until I made a closer look., I mean the photo was clear enough but I just had to maximize it just to make sure that i'm mistaken.,

And to my surprise I was not!!!!., I really know the guy standing beside the girl., I knew him from the office., and we even share the same first name., FTW!., we are also batchmates!.,

I know for a fact (not really a fact) that the girl in the picture is the one who really knows TheOne just because i've seen her in other photos with TheOne., hehehehehe.,

I checked the profile of the guy (i cannot mention names here so please do undertand me if i'm trying too hard) and found out that the girl in the photo was his girlfriend., and after clicking the name of the girl in facebook, then clicking the link for her photos., again to my surprise TheOne is there with her., I mean at least most of the pictures., whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!.,

Now I have proof that TheOne is really working at the building I am currently working at., hehehehe., I have every proof that TheOne is not a mere imagination of the mind kind of person., hehehehehehe., almost every photos that I have seen are places near or in our building., In KFC just right across the building., in the ground floor by the gigantic Christmas tree (taken last Christmas Eve)., and at the gas station also across the building., at the lobby where we wait for the elevators., waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

i was literally a bit screaming here (TheOne is driving me crazy)., hehehehe., you see I am this close., I mean really close in knowing TheOne.,

First Fact: We work at the same building.
Second Fact: I know the boyfriend of one of TheOne's close friend and officemate.
Third Fact: I know where they eat out sometimes.

(I feel like i'm stalking TheOne but i'm not, may I just say!)

Now I'll know where to send those chocolates!., hehehehe., ;)

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! Thanks FB., you are such a good accomplice., ;)

I hope to see you soon., really really really soon., hehehe., ;)

P.S.

I'll write this in tagalog., super kinikilig ako ng wala namang dahilan.,

ahahahahhaha.,  and my statement above "really really really soon" is kind of creepy, but i mean it in a nice way., i am way way way beyond creepy.,

yiiiiiiheeeeeeee!!!!!! ;)

...a day goes by...

It is almost ten in the evening here at the office and my day of work is just starting.,

Me and two of my team mates are on night shift (only for today) for a Test Result Walkthrough of the project we have recently finished testing., i am really hoping that everything turns out fine!(fingers crossed!)., >.<

So a day passes by without anything interesting happening., just the same old routine except for the fact that I'll be doing work really really late today., 

Warning: the later part of this post may be an emo one., please read at your own risk., ;)

So I did sent another message to that someone in facebook that I am really interested in (for the safety of this person let me use "TheOne" as an alias)., yeah! yeah! it's a desperate move that I have made but that's the only thing I can do., despite the fact that we are working on the same building, i haven't really had the opportunity to meet that someone (maybe a if we bump on each other one of these days may not hurt)., I've had this crush with TheOne since i saw TheOne's profile picture from a friend of mine., well let's just say that the picture posted on TheOne's profile is a bit daring but is just too cute to be erotic., hehehehehe., 

TheOne had stolen my heart eversince., i've added all three accounts., yes!., TheOne have three accounts., one is full., the other is new., and the last one, i don't really know., hehehehe., I starter my pursuit for TheOne in a friend request., then liking posts., then the message., 

I've learned that TheOne is working for a company that is occupying a floor at the same building as the company i'm working for right now., (i really feel like i'm a stalker)., hehehe., so i was sending TheOne some messages because some of the posts that TheOne is posting is a bit sad so i was trying to lift TheOne's mood up., hehehehe., ;)

Then after that i've tried getting TheOne's number so that I can contact TheOne even if I don't have access to FB., hehehe., a desperate move but I really did it., hehehhe., but no reply., none at all!., zero!., zilch!., nada!., (i'm not mad or anything just trying to emphasize) earlier today i have liked and posted a comment at TheOne's post on FB and TheOne like it., so i was really glad about that and that really made my day!., as in really made my day., then i tried another message., but to my luck no reply at all again., (maybe TheOne is really just that busy at work)., hehehe.,

I understand that I am a stranger., I understand that it is not easy to trust a person you barely even know., for the fact that TheOne only knows me through FB, and that does not even count as to knowing someone., ahehehehehe.,

Why did I do that?., messaging a stranger?., out of desperation?., well come to think of it, it is a bit stupid., no, not a bit it is straightly stupid., just plain S-T-U-P-I-D-I-T-Y., hehehehe., i've realized that but what can I do., i'm attracted to TheOne., I really don't know why but I really am.,

Why?., I don't really know., maybe i'm just plain desperate., hehehe., what do you think?., please spare me some advice?., won't you please.,

P.S.

If you (i'm referring to TheOne) by any chance is reading this., please let me try., i know i'm a bit creepy sending you messages but that is the only thing I can do., there's nothing more., I don't want to try and search the whole 30 something floors of the whole building that we are working on just to find you, but if you'll ask me? i'm thinking of doing that., i want to send you chocolates which I know you love., and everything with strawberries(except strawberries itself)., i'd like to eat pizza with you too(let me think...meat lover's pizza with extra meat?)., ;)., i know i'm too much of a coward to do that but I want to., just give it a try., i don't bite (just kidding)., hehehehehe., ;)., 

i like you and i'd like to know you better, i know that you don't know me that well but let me assure you that i meant no harm., promise!.,

...it was like heaven...

Remember my post about the "END"?., well nothing really happened., it's just a plain old Saturday for all of us., same old thing happened., I woke up. watched TV, lunch, took a bath, took a nap, ate dinner, sleep., that's about it!., nothing much.,

Except for something!., hehehehehe., (grinning).,

Let's just rewind back to last Friday., me and my college friends went to Eastwood, Libis and had some fun., well, we've decided we need to get a little time off for ourselves., stress relieving if you'll call it.,

It was H-E-A-V-E-N there, in every single way! hehehehe., (except for the fact that it is sooooooo damn hot outside)., hehehe., ;)

We met up at Mc Donald's quirino and from there we rode at least 30 mins to get to Libis., when we got there we stopped by my friends' office., we did the usual stuffs., walk here and there, ate a late lunch at Yellow Cab (Charlie Chan is really delicious!) which made us sooooooo full., then I got a haircut., it was really out of nowhere., I just bumped with a neighbor who is working at Azta Salon then I texted her, and got some haircut., hehehe., yey!., new me!.,

Did I mention it was H-E-A-V-E-N there?!., well it is the usual mall but all the faces there were to die for!., hehehehehehehe., well, at first I was kind of disappointed because when we got there there's not a site to see., but then while it was starting to get late, much more faces got interesting., hahahahaha., one after another., at the benches, on my way to the CR, at Dairy Queen, at the Tiange-an., or just walking past us., whoaaa!!!., there was really a lot of cute faces!.,

I even texted one of my friends that I want to live there., ahahahaha., (i'm so pathetic right?.,).,

Did I mention it was heaven there?!., just kidding., i'm so redundant nowadays., hehehhehehe., but we did see some celebrities while roaming eastwood (e.g. Gab Valenciano, VJ Eri, and Edgar Allan) .,

So before going home we met up with another classmate, Erwin, who gave us a treat at Dairy Queen.,

Well we had a very great day., i hope I do get a chance to get back there., and i do hope to catch one of those cute faces., ahehehehehehehehe., just kidding.,

Now going back to what I did yesterday., i sent a message to someone (a friend in FB) and ask for their number., keeping my fingers crossed I am now hoping for a response and hopefully know that someone better., (hoping you're reading this!.,) hehehehe.,

Well, that's it for me for today., i'll post more if i'll have the time., ;)

...end? noooooooooo!!!!!....

I have heard a lot about the May 21st prediction by someone that the world is going to end., what the?!!!., did I heard it right?., the world ending?., today is the 18th and in the 21st the world would end?., whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

here's a link about that: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/

I haven't ever been abroad yet?., I haven't even boarded a plane yet?., I have so many things I want to do but within the next three days?., can it be possibly done?., everything I wanted to do for just three days?., I have work., I get home at around seven after work?., where in the world would I get the time to do everything I planned (by the age of 25....30....40.....)., I sound soooooooooooo panicky!., hehehe.,

I don't really like to discuss this topic just because I am not a fan of things that is related to the end of the world., hehehe., not that I am not aware of the possibilities that it may come., it's just that I have so many things that I want to do before that., (but then as i've heard/read i only have three days., FTW).,

I can still remember the a dream i've had way way back., I was here in our street and everyone was panicking because there is giant dragon that is eating the land part by part., hehehe., because I was young back then I was really afraid when I woke up., but now that I am a bit old (21) i am not that afraid of that anymore., but it gives me goosebumps every now and then.,

hehehe., I don't even have a lovelife yet!., that's the most frustrating thing., (again with the emo stuff!)., ;)

got to go., my little brother is irritating me with his crying!.,

...describe yourself: Judge Me...

I've been staring at the screen of my desktop for over an hour now and I still don't know what I am going to write., I have just been browsing over tabs to see if there's anything that catches my interest.,

Then this one hit me., People don't yet know me!., I haven't even give the a brief description of me., I have been writing stuff about my life here and yet I haven't even have a single description of who I am., (maybe because nobody has even bothered to ask me "Describe Yourself?")., hehehehe.,

I know much of you won't even care to know me but guess what I don't care too (just kidding! ;) )., hehehehe., so here it goes.,


Disclaimer: think before proceeding...it may become too narcissistic.,


but then again if you want to know me better, then go., no one is stopping you... ;)


10. Shy (but trying not to be...) - Yeah! Yeah! common for almost anyone describing themselves but really I am., I am so shy that I even get shy to ask a saleslady for things I need at a mall., I will go in circles in the mall just to find what i'm looking for., and when everything else fails then that's the only time i'll ask a saleslady. That's how shy I am.,


9. Loves a good laugh (but much more of an emo) - well maybe i've been a little wreck for this part for quite sometime but I really love a good laugh with my friends., especially my College Buds., SFCC., hehehehehehehe., I miss them so much., it's been years since we last saw each others (all of us complete.,)., i miss singing with them at a karaoke bar., i miss the constant nagging at each other., hehehehehe., miss you guys!., :'(


8. Singer (just frustrated) - I love singing., but then again the feeling is not mutual., hehehehe., I've been a choir member way back in high school I stopped being one since academics comes first., I don't even know how I passed the auditions for the Glee Club at our school or did I even auditioned for the position., all i remember is that my classmate tagged me along with her and then voila! I am a member., hehehe., in college our free time is spent in belting our lungs out at SM Manila's Popstar., hehehe., may I say that most of my barkadas were good singers.,  I miss singing!., a lot!., hehehe., just to make up for that i'll now be singing in my work station., "Hey! soul sister ain't that mister mister on the radio stereo, the way you move ain't fair you know..."

Photo from: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs48/f/2009/176/8/f/Music_Notes_by_circle__of__fire.jpg

7. Obsessive Compulsive (at times) - it is not that I am a neat freak!., i have blogged about this one here., the time that the screen protector of my IPod Touch came off because of nonetheless ME cleaning a dust stuck on it., hehehehe., I have also noticed that this past few days everytime i'll eat with my friends (here at the office) at Jollibee i'll always wipe dry the droplets of water in the table from the drinks., beats me!., it's my impulse that do that!., hehe., even at the house., if I see droplets of water in the table i'll wipe it dry or if there are in any other surfaces i'll be irritated and i'll ask whom left the bottle there and if no one claims to be the culprit i'll do the drying myself., hehehe., i'm an OC (for the water-droplets-on-tables part) but then again I don't clean my room., hehehehe., isn't it ironic?., hehehe.,

6. Hopeless Romantic (a lot!) - hell yeah!., i'm a hopeless romantic., i have been daydreaming a lot about how my special someone will come and then sweep me off my feet., I have been daydreaming stuffs about our dates., our conversations., our small fights., everything., it's all so clear in my mind., every single detail., everything., but then again., all of that is day dream., and when I get back to reality none of it exists., it is just me., all me!., hehehe., (again with the emo stuff!.,)., hehehehehe.,

Photo from: http://flikieapp02.appspot.com/f985ea4d13144ec89f1fd0b7609f5a8a.jpg

5. Quietly Talkative (not much) - i am talkative., yes! yes! whenever I am with my friends i keep on blabbing things and stuffs., not that I spill secrets (defensive much?) but i'll spill everything under the sun(mostly about what's happening to me)., but then again everytime i meet new people I tend to get so quiet., hehehe., sometime i'll say "me and my big mouth" and sometimes i'll think to myself if me being that quiet in front of new people makes me look like a snob., hehehe., >_<.,

4.Very much Hug-able (in both meanings true) - yeah! yeah! i'm a bit chubby., but i'm way better than what I was before., I remembered one story of my cousin (technically a tita but she's just 2-3 years older than me so she's just like a cousin.,)., when we were at the Simbang Gabi, we are about to take communion when she suddenly turned around asked me if I was carrying a balloon?., apparently she could feel my tummy at her back., it made us both laugh while on the line., hehehehehehehehehe., today that balloon has disappeared but i'm still chubby., I think I love to hug, but the only one that can prove that I have a great hug is my ever trusty Pillow., i love to hug someone next time but unfortunately there is no one to hug., huhuhuhuhuhuhu., :'( (again with the emo stuff!!! What the?!)., 

Photo from: http://i.pbase.com/o6/29/617629/1/99842025.pW36Cqr2.FreeHugs.jpg

Photo from: http://image73.webshots.com/173/1/21/17/2910121170087055505NGMJPO_ph.jpg

3. Torpe (really!) - for those who doesn't understand the term "Torpe", it means a person who does not or is to slow to make a move if he has a thing for someone., this is hard to explain cause I can't find the English term for it., so yup! i'll admit it to the world wide web that i'm Torpe., hehehe., not that i don't want to make a move, it's just that I don't know how to., my last relationship was way back in college, that was my first relationship that lasted for.................drum roll please!!!!...............three days!., yes, it lasted three(3) days., i consider that a relationship., I think i never really did officially courted her., sorry for this if you are reading., i don't want to talk about that anymore but at least I have felt having a relationship., I wish I was like every other man out there., hehehe.,


2. Emo (deep inside!) - no need for explanations., just read my previous and upcoming posts., hehe., >.<


1. I feel happy and ... (can you guess what's next?) - I may be an emo but i'm happy., happy of who and what I am., enough said., ;) (i'm having impulses to write what's next but i am managing not to =P).,


Whew!., that was way more difficult than I have expected!., as I have realized that it is really a difficult thing to answer the question "Describe Yourself?"., you cannot just say "Judge Me" just like what you did in elementary slumnotes/slumbooks., cause people do judge you., the sad part of that is that they judge by what they think they know., they'll only see what they want to see and they'll only know what they want to., but here's what i'll tell them this is me, this is my life, if I can't please everyone then I won't.

"I am who I am and I like it!" ;)

..."fate" you are such a...

Just want to share something...

Remember my P.D.E post?., yes! that very post where in I have admitted that I am in a very desperate mood to find that someone special in my life., well yeah!., i have been conniving (with of course just myself) in finding that person., i don't wanna let the pain in the a$s that is "FATE" do the talking for me., i won't let my time be wasted in doing nothing., but may I say that it really isn't a very fun thing to do (and a lot tiring! whew!).,

First in the list of my accomplices is our very much trusted facebook., I have added certain persons with no apparent reasons (i know what you're thinking!, but nah! you're wrong about that)., I just wanted to make my circle of friends bigger so that the probabilities of me bumping into the destined one for me is much much much as in much greater., yeah!., that's what I had thought., but then again fate is such a pain in the ass that there's not a single progress., nadah!., zero!., zilch!., hehehehehe., ;)

photo from: http://blog.mobiles.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/facebook_pic.jpg

Next is this one, my blog post., i think I also subconsciously created my blog to find that person., but nah!., facebook is much more easier., hehehehehehe.,

photo from: http://tech.angresulta.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/blogger.png

Then came twitter., all the twitter patters from me., all the emoness and stuffs., hehehehe., it's really hard and agonizing to search so i just gave up., i'll just let myself drown into the infamous words of everyone "Don't look for love it will come to you"., yeah! yeah!.,

photo from: http://www.mylocalelectrician.co.uk/files/2/twitter-icon.png

I've had a little talk with HIM last last week., I know there's not a trace in my body that I have a relationship with God but yup! you heard it right we had a little talk., just HIM and me., I told HIM that I won't search no more., that I know HE has someone for me right somewhere out there., that HE's just waiting for HIS time, and that I should wait., that I will have "FAITH" in HIM., I told HIM that I will put the searching into a stop., put to an end., in a halt.,

 

But then "FATE" just won't leave my side and is just trying to tease me (as if to bite me right up in the a$s)., almost everyday before going to work It won't miss that I would coincidentally meet someone very interesting., hehehe., and it is always in the jeepney terminal., I guess fate is just telling me not to mess with her., hehehehe.,

oh! "FATE" you are such a tease, but sorry for you I have "FAITH" that someday i'll have the "LOVE" i've been searching for.,

...I just want to be me...

I just want to be me.,
I don't want anybody telling me what to do.,
I won't say what everybody wants me to say.,
I'm not gonna wear what i'm told.,
I don't like conforming to other's norms.,
I don't like to fit in any other's molds.,

I'm trying to find the life I would love to live.,
I'm trying to look for something that only "I" can search for.,
I don't want to live anybody else's lives.,
I don't wanna fulfill somebody else's dreams.,
If only everything is all that easy.,
If only there's no consequence in every action I would do.,
"If only"...truth is, there is and there always will be.,
But I just wanted to be me.,

...subconsciously I think I did...

I've had this conversation with a friend of mine (a former classmate in college/seatmate/referred me in this great job) about my blog., well he thought that it's OK., but the thing that made me really think is his statement:

Name replaced for the purpose of confidentiality:

[09:09] Friend: ok naman yung writing ("the writing is OK")
[09:10] Friend: pero habang binabasa ko sya alam kong ginawa lang yung blog na yun for the sole purpose na mag emo ("but while I was reading it I know that this blog was created for the sole purpose of being emo")

Then I thought to myself did I really made this blog solely for the purpose of posting my emo-ness., for me I didn't, but come to think of it, subconsciously I think I did.,

I really don't want to admit that I'm an emo just because of the fact that I am not., it just so happens that what I have been posting was the state that I am in., Yup! as of right now I can say that I am a bit of an emotional wreck and stuff but I think of it as a phase/stage in life that I must go through., everyone goes through this, some is in their rebelious phase or in their "finding their self" stage., this one's mine the emotional wreck phase of my life that i should go through.,

I think people should just let me be (hehehe., no offense to anyone ;).,)., I know that it is really unhealthy to be too emotional., that I should live my life like everyday is the last., and all that stuff but hey!., 

I'm trying to find the life I would love to live.,

I'm trying to look for something that only "I" can search for.,

I don't want to live anybody else's lives.,

I don't wanna fulfill somebody else's dreams.,

I just want to be me.,

...at long last...

At long last the internet connection here at our place is restored.,

I have waited at least a week for the provider to fix the issue out and for the longest time they finally did., As they should have many years ago!., hehehehehe.,

I felt like I was so deprived from the net., eventhough I have access in the office., not that I use internet access in the office for personal use., defensive much?., ahahahahahahaha.,

So now that it is done and ready., I will try to catch up on everything that has happened., blogging ang everything., ahahahaha.,