...playing with numbers...

77111114105...83111114114121, 115111114114121 116971089710397. 104105110100105 107111 1109710997110 116971089710397 103105110117115116111 105116111110103 1109711497114971091009710997110 107111 1129711497 11597121111 10797115105 9710897109 107111110103 10997108105110103 10997108105 105116111. 7797103107971059810510397110 11697121111. 67108111115101 11697121111 1079712197 9712197119 1071113297110103 110971101031219712197114105110103 105116111 10797115105 9710897109 107111 11097 1099710897107105 97110103 1121111151059810510810510097100 11097 1089712111797110 109111 97107111. 7697108111 11097 107117110103 109971089710997110 109111110103 10510797119 97110103 103117115116111 107111. 77971089710997110103 11012197110 101104 1089710897121111 10797 116971089710397. 6510897109 107111110103 10997108105 112101114111 115105103101 11297 114105110 97107111, 971089711010397110 1109710997110103 11210510310510897110 107111 101 105116111 10897110103 1109710997110 117110103 11097103981059810510397121 110103 1159712197 11597 97107105110, 1159712197 115979897121 110103 10511597110103 10997116105110100105110103 1079710811711010310711711697110 107117110103 10910511011597110. 65110103 1099710710511697 10797. 65110103 10997107971159710997 10797. 65110103 1099710710511697 107111 97110103 11097112971079799117116101 109111110103 112971031169711997 97116 1129710332110103105116105. 79107 11097 97107111 11597 107117110103 97110117 10997110 97110103 109101114111110 11597 97116105110 11010397121117110 10097104105108 9710897109 107111 114105110 1109710997110 11597 11597114105108105 107111 11097 1199710897110103 1129711611711611711010311710497110 10797104105116 11097 1159798105104105110 107111 11597121111 11097 103117115116111 10710511697 110103 104105103105116 11297 11597 10511597110103 107971059810510397110. 77101114111110 10797 11097 114105110103 1099710497108 11097 1059897 97116 9710897109 107111110103 109971159712197 10797 11597 112105108105110103 11012197 1079712197 10497104971219797110 107111 11097 10897110103 97110103 107971151051219710497110 109111. 65110103 1001149710997 107111, 111111, 112101114111 9710897109 107111110103 105116111 10897110103 97110103 112971149797110 1129711497 109971089710997110 109111 107117110103 97110117 10997110 105116111110103 108105104105109 107111110103 109971169710397108 116971039710832107111 11097 114105110 1161051109711697103111.

789710311510510911710897 116111 110111111110103 1109711597 6697108101114 11697121111 100117110 11597 8697110 110117110103 116117108111103 10797 100105 107111 100105110 9710897109 107117110103 9897107105116 101104 989711511697 9710897109 107111 1109710311711511611710497110 11097 10897110103 10710511697 110103 9810510310897. 72105110100105 107111 9710897109 107117110103 9897107105116 112101114111 1129711497110103 11097103451059897 116971089710397 117110103 116105110103105110 107111 11597121111 110117110. 6897116105 11497116105 1109710997110 10710511697110103 104105110100105 1121051109711297110115105110 10797104105116 11097 1099711497109105 11097 11597 1059897 107111110103 10910397 107971059810510397110 97110103 11097103115971159798105110103 99117116101 10797. 78111111110 10897110103 1109710311510510911710897 97110103 1089710497116 110103 10797989710810511997110 107111110103 105116111.

8410511097103111 107111 11597 1089710497116 105116111 112101114111 11597 10511597110103 11697111 107111 10897110103 1151051109798105. 6510897109 11012197 1089710497116 110103 10797989710810511997110 107111 11597121111 10097104105108 10797104105116 11510512197 101104 110979897108105119 100105110 11597121111 110111111110. 78111111110 121117110103 11597 1079712197, 112101114111 97107111 1049711010310397110103 11010397121117110 1041059897110103 11297 114105110 97107111 11597121111. 72105110100105 107111 109971039711997110103 10811710997121111 101104, 10797121111 97110103 10897103105 107111110103 107971159710997, 110971159711097121 11097 97107111 11097 10797121111 10897110103 97110103 10910397 107971159710997 107111 11597 9711497119 9711497119. 7297108111115 100105 11097 11010397 97107111 1041171091051199710897121 11597 105110121111 10797104105116 1109711597 1059897110103 11211411110610199116 11097 97107111, 10797121111 11297 114105110 97110103 10997115 1099710897112105116 11597 97107105110. 67108105110103121 97107111 111111, 109971169710397108 107111 110103 9710897109 97110103 989710397121 11097 12197110. 7311597 12197110 11597 10910397 107971169711010310597110103 1121051109710797 9712197119 107111 11597 97107105110 11597114105108105 112101114111 104105110100105 107111 1099797108105115. 89117110103 99108111115101110101115115 110121111 11010397 110105 8797108116111110 1121051109710311510111510110811111597110 107111. 10797104105116 1199710897 1109710997110 97107111110103 10797114971161129711697110103 1129710311510110811111597110 97110103 107117110103 97110117 10997110 97110103 109101114111110 10797121111110103 100971089711997.

7797108105 105116111 1129711497 11597 1089710497116, 10997108105 11597 1099711697 110103 11697111 97116 11597 1099711697 110105 71111100 112101114111 9710897109 107111110103 10997115 10997103105103105110103 10997108105 107117110103 104105110100105 107111 10497104971219797110 97110103 11597114105108105 107111 11097 109971009710997 107117110103 97110117 10997110 97110103 1109711497114971091009710997110 107111. 6512197119 107111 1109710997110 1159798105104105110 11597121111 111 11597 105110121111 10097104105108 9710897109 107111110103 1089710897121111 10797121111 111114 10510797119 111114 117110103 1059897 11597 105110121111. 89117110 97110103 10997115 10897108111110103 104105110100105 107111 107971079712197110105110.

7979 10997121 103117115116111 97107111 11597121111 77111114105 97116 109971169710397108 107111 11097 105116111110103 989710897107 1159798105104105110 105116111 1079712197 10897110103 10011711997103 97107111. 6811711997103 97107111 10797115105 11697107111116 97107111 11597 10910397 109971101031219712197114105. 8497107111116 97107111 11597 10910397 10997103105103105110103 11410111511710811697 110103 112971034597109105110 107111 11597121111. 731109797109105110 107111 11097 11597121111 11097 107117110103 10910511011597110 11097105105115105112 107111 107117110103 1129797110111 107117110103 1151119811497110103 99108111115101 11097 11697121111? 7797121 11297103459711597 9897 97107111110103 1099710311711511611710497110 109111 114105110?

839711097 107117110103 10997989711597 109111 10997110 116111 97121 104105110100105 11097 11697121111 1099711512197100111110103 1109710310710510710511697 97116 110971039710797107971159710997 10097104105108 11597 11010397121117110 104105110100105 107111 116971089710397 10997115971159798105 11597121111 107117110103 97110117 10997110 97110103 10910397 103117115116111 107111110103 1159798105104105110. 72105110100105 107111 10997105104971049711497112 97110103 10911710710497 107111 11597121111 1079711297103 110971089710997110 109111 1089710497116 110103 105116111.

On dreams...

Dreams...in wikipedia dreams are successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep

Dreams mainly occur in the rapid-eye movement (REM) stage of sleep—when brain activity is high.

Dreams are a connection to the human subconscious. They can range from normal and ordinary to overly surreal and bizarre. Dreams can often at times make a creative thought occur to the person or give a sense of inspiration.

Dreamers are usually not self-aware in their dreams; thus the dreams may seem very real to them while asleep.

Panaginip sa tagalog...lahat tayo nananaginip...tulog o gising...madalas ako sa ganitong estado...parating nananaginip...

Kilala nyo na siguro kung sino ang napapanaginipan ko kaya hindi ko na kailangan pang banggitin pa kung sinu sya...basta ang alam ko sya ang kadalasang laman ng mga panaginip ko...makailang beses ko na rin syang napanaginipan kahit na hindi naman sya ang huling nasa isipan ko bago ako matulog...

...napanaginipan nanaman kita...di ko na matandaan...basta ang alam ko nagtatawanan tayo...(oo patay na patay ako sa tawa mo., ahehehe., di ko rin alam kung bakit eh., basta alam ko gustong gusto ko ung tawa mo.,)


...ilang araw nanaman kitang napanaginipan...(medyo nakakalimutan ko kasi ung mga panaginip ko eh!)...natatandaan ko dun sa panaginip para tayong nasa classroom tapos dumating ka...tapos ang alam ko may tinanong ako sa nun eh...tapos bigla kayong umalis ni [kulit] tapos baba ng hagdan...sumunod lang ung tingin ko sayo...tapos kinausap ko ung classmate ko nung college (na nasa panaginip din)...ang sabi ko sa kanya di ko na kaya...


...napanaginipan nanaman kita nung isang araw...pumayag ka daw na isama ako sa pupuntahan mo...(basta ayun...too much detail na kasi kapag sinabi ko pa kung saan)...


...ang alam ko dalawang bese kitang napanaginipan kanina di ko lang natandaan ung una...(adik lang?)...kaya ung panagalawa ni-save ko sa CP ko...ganito daw yun...nasa [lugar] daw tayong dalawa tapos parang pauwi na tayo (sa kung saan man galing)...tapos may bago raw akong gamit sabi mo sa akin patingin edi binigay ko sayo...tapos sumakay na daw ako ng jeep tapos ikaw hindi sumakay...nakita ko na hindi ka sumakay tapos naalala ko rin na ung gamit ko nasa iyo pa...bumaba ako ng jeep tapos binalikan kita tapos parang tinatanong ko sayo kung nasan na ung gamit ko tapos niloloko mo ako na wala sayo...yun pala nilagay mo sa bag mo...(nagkasya ung malaking gamit ko dun sa bag mo., ahehehe)...

...napanaginipan nanaman kita...bakit ba kasi ayaw mong mawala, pati sa panaginip ko ayaw mong mawala...Hindi ko alam kung hanggang sa panaginip ikaw pa rin ang iniisip ko pero hindi na kasi tama...ilang beses na kasi kitang napapanaginipan...yung ilang beses na yun eh hindi naman pare-pareho...meron time na yung panaginip ko ay ikaw lang at mga taong di ko kilala...pero ung kanina naman parang nasa isang school tapos marami akong kakilala...(baka ipapakilala na kita sa kanila? jokes)...ewan ko ba...bakit ikaw napapanaginipan ko?...


...napanaginipan ulit kita...parang galing tayo sa mall/ospital tapos kasama natin si [master], basta ikaw nagda-drive...pagdating natin dun sa pupuntahan bumaba kayo...tapos meron akong sinabi dun sa isang kasama natin...baka magalit ka...


...nung isang linggo lang napanaginipan kita ulit...ang nangyari naman eh si [Stuagin on] eh inaagaw sa akin si [insert name here](ikaw to!) at si [miss baet]...ahehehe...wala lang...


tapos nung saturday lang napanaginipan ulit kita...nasa ospital daw si [kulit] tapos parang naiinis ka sa akin di ko alam kung bakit...ayun....parang may something between the two of you eh...ahehehe...


Speaking of dreams...ilang beses na akong nananaginip ng puro ahas...dun nga nagsimula ung pagiging takot ko sa ahas kahit sa TV ko lang nakikita...basta ayaw ko...so nag search ako tungkol dun at ito ang nakita ko...

To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you.  Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. In particular, to see a snake on your bed, suggests that you are feeling sexually overpowered or sexually threatened. You may be inexperienced, nervous or just unable to keep up. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive change. 

To see the skin of a snake in your dream, represents protection from illnesses.

To see a snake with a head on each end in your dream, suggests that you are being pulled in two different directions. You are feeling overburdened and do not know whether you are coming or going. Your actions are counterproductive. Perhaps the dream represents some complicated love triangle. Alternatively, the dream signifies your desires for children. If you see a two-headed snake in your dream, then it refers to cooperation and teamwork in some relationship.

To dream that you are eating a live snake, indicates that you are looking for intimacy or sexual fulfillment. Your life is lacking sensuality and passion. If you vomit or throw up the snake, then it may mean that you are overcompensating for something that is lacking in your life. You may be rushing into something.


isa pang bagay na related sa dreams ay ang daydreaming...na according to wikipedia again...(para kunyari matalino)...

A daydream is a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake.

magaling ako dito...as in...kahit dilat na dilat ako eh todo todong pagdadaydream na ang ginagawa ko...pati nga lang ung paglalakad ko minsan pauwi sa bahay may kasamang daydream...kahit minsan din kasama ko mga kaibigan ko bigla bigla na lang ako magdadaydream...kung subject lang yan noong college malamang naging Summa Cum Laude ako...o kaya kung profession yan baka isa na ako sa mga pinakamagaling dyan...ahehehe...


o sya...kailangan ko pa ulit managinip...see you there...ahehehe...

Pero bakit nga ba?...

Nung isang araw napagtripan ko nanaman manlibre sa kadahilanang hindi ko mawari., Hindi ko mawari kasi di ko talaga alam kung bakit ko ba naisipan na mag-ayang kumain sa labas noong isang araw...

Alam ko sa sarili ko na talagang naisipan ko lang din bigla yung pangyayari, pero napaisip lang ako sa mga bagay bagay nung may isang kasama akong magtanong kung bakit nga ba ako nanlibre...at isang nakakag@gong ngiti ung pinakita nya sa akin...

Bakit nga ba?....anu nga ba ang dahilan ng pabigla bigla kong pag-aaya?...meron nga bang dahilan ang "wala lang" at "trip ko lang"?...mga dahilang parati kong binibitawan sa harap ng maraming taong nagtatanong ng "Bakit"...

"Wala lang"...bakit yan nga ba ang parati kong naisasagot sa mga kausap ko....marahil ay ayaw ko lang palawakin pa ang topic ng pag-uusap dahil sa hindi ako kumportable sa pinag-uusapan...marahil hindi ko lang talaga alam kung anu ang isasagot ko...marahil hindi ko inasahan na tatanungin ako ng ganung tanong at walang pumasok sa isip ko para masagot ito...o marahil merong mas malalim na kadahilanan kung bakit kadalasan ay iyon na lang ang naisasagot ko...

Bakit ko nga ba ginagawa iyon?...ungbigla biglang pag-aaya...Ano ang mga posibleng dahilan ng paggawa ko nun?...

NAGMAMAYABANG?...hindi naman...never akong naging mayabang sa kahit na anong bagay...hindi ko kailan man ipinagyabang ang kung anu man ang meron ako sa lahat ng tao...(di ko sure kung ako lang) pero para sa akin never akong naging mayabang...sa katunayan nga eh sobrang mahiyain pa nga ako...as in sobrang mahiyain....inaamin ko na meron akong inferiority complex...never kong nakita ang sarili ko na naging superior sa kahit na sinong nilalang...ito rin siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ako mahiyain...

NAGMAMAYAMAN?...ito ang isang napakalaking kasinungalingan...hindi ako kailan man naging mayaman...hindi ko rin naman masasabi na may kaya kami dahil hindi ganoon kaginhawa ang buhay namin...kung minsan ay kinakapos pa rin ang naibibigay ko sa bahay...hehehe...so definitely hindi ako nagmamayaman...


NAPROMOTE?...nope...isang malaking HINDI!!!!!...wish ko lang na magkatotoo ito...kaya lang mas malabo pa sa tubig ng ilog pasig yan...buti kong talagang ung mga task ko eh pag-kabog na sa mga seniors...ahehehe...so ito ay isang malaking HINDI!...


NA-INCREASE-AN?...isa pang napakalaking HINDI...asa naman ako na tumaas ang sahod ko no...sintagal ng isang century egg pa yata mangyayari ang milagrong iyan...ahehehe...pero inaasahan ko ito...pero sa ngayun ay hindi...hindi pa tumataas ang sahod ko...how I wish...ahehehe....


GALANTE?...hindi din(yata)...hindi ko niconsider na isang galanteng tao ako...ahehehe...meron pa rin dyan magsasabi na kuripot ako...ahehehe...


GALIT SA PERA?...medyo lang pero hindi pa naman siguro ako baliw para magalit ng ganun sa pera...ahehehe...


DEPRESSED?...hindi din...actually, lately masaya na ako...medyo nagkakasapak na lang ako kapag may mga bagay bagay na naaalala...


EH BAKIT NGA BA?...


BAKIT NGA BA?...

Hindi ko pa rin kayang sagutin yan...ahehehe...pero isa lang ang masasabi ko...iisa lang ang dahilan ng lahat...at isang tao pa lang ang nakakaalam ng kasagutan sa tanong na iyan...at hindi nya naitanong sa akin ang "Bakit nga ba?"...nagpost lang sya ng kung anu man at noong mabasa ko yun ay tagus-tagusan akong tinamaan...ahehehe...


anu nga ba?... BAKIT NGA BA?..."wala lang"

Just killing time...

I was always talking to myself and pretending that everything is now OK. But, I have been smiling (at times laughing) a lot lately and that's a big improvement in me since i have been this emo guy for the past couple of months.

I have been reading back my journal here at the office and i realized that I have been like that for almost four months now (good thing i decided to stop that nonsense act of mine). It was so stupid of me to let this be like this for sooooo long. As my previous posts have revealed to one of my friend, so he said, the possible identity of [insert name here] (i can't name drop here) i have come to a conclusion that i should not be hiding that anymore since the whole world could read my blog. And that anybody can do what my friend did....INVESTIGATE...well come to think of it, i have been throwing tons and tons of clue about the identity of [insert name here].

"Ask me and I'll answer it!" that's my new motto. Ask me anything  and i'll admit to it if it is true. No denying of anything.

Just like what I did with one of my office friend when she asked me who [insert name here] was. I gave the name away, but that took a lot of my guts to do. I mean it was just a name but I am the one at stake here. Its the whole me we are talking about here and I ain't just be giving you details that could make or break me (well break me for the most part).

After her so much shock about [insert name here] it became just like another normal conversation between us. At least now i can directly talk to her about [insert name here] without having to mask [insert name here]'s identity.

Another thing...I let my friend from other project read my journal and he said that some of the entries are "kilig moments". I mean the journal is about me and [insert name here] and our encounters . To me it was just foolish entries I can't imagine until now that there are some "kilig moments" there.

hehehehehe...that just about it., I can't think of anything to write anymore...

oh! another thing...my friends here are wondering if I am "nagtatampo" but I am not..."Wala naman akong dapat ika-tampo"...I just have to balance time between everyone...hehehe...hope this answers the BIG QUESTION...

...the deleted one...

Untitled

Hindi ko naman sinasadya., hindi ko lang talaga namalayan na unti-unti na pala akong nagkakaroon ng mas malalim na pagtingin sa iyo., unti unti na akong nakakain ng kung anu man itong nararamdaman ko ngayon.,

Ilang araw na rin akong ganito., di ko alam kung tama ba ung mga nararamdaman ko para sayo., alam kong mali ang umasa ako sa isang panaginip lang, pero pare-pareho lang naman tayong tao., na nangangarap at may mga pinapangarap., imposible man ang mga ito libre naman at walang pumipigil sa akin.,

May mga maliliit na bagay ang ginagawa mo na nakapagpapatalon sa puso ko., hindi ko man iyon maipakita, ramdam na ramdam ko naman ang bawat sandali na magkasama tayo ay labis na kasiyahan ang nararamdaman ko., hindi ako umaasa na may mas malalim pang mamagitan sa atin sapagkat matagal ko ng tinanggap na kung anu man ang meron sa atin ngayon ay hanggang doon na lang ito., wala ng lalabis pa sa pinapakita mo sa aking kabaitan., kung anu man itong nararamdaman ko ay sasarilihin ko na lang., walang ibang makakaalam ng buo kong nararamdaman sa araw araw bukod sa natatago kong kwaderno kung saan nakalahad ang lahat ng mga nais kong sabihin sayo., Mga bagay na kung mababasa mo man ay alam kong may magbabago., mga bagay na tanging ako at ang kwadernong ito lang ang nakakaalam.,

Imposible ang pangarap ko at ikaw yun., imposible sa mga paraang hindi kayang ipaliwanag ng kung sino man ang makakaalam.,

Nahihirapan ako sa ganitong nangyayari., natatakot akong maging mas malapit tayo., takot ako sa mga maaring mangyari., ayokong may magbago., pero alam kong kapag hindi ko pa nilayo ung sarili ko sayo baka masobrahan na ako sa pagkahulog at hindi ko na maiangat pa ang sarili ko., gusto kong lumayo pero hindi ko kaya., mahirap kasi malapit tayo sa isa't isa., mahirap kasi malaki ang posibilidad na ikaw ang lumayo., bakit ba kasi ako naging ganito?., bakit sa katulad mo pa ako nahulog., hindi ko alam kung na ang gagawin ko., kung lalayo ako o hahayaan ko na lang muna to., niloloko ko na ung sarili ko., niloloko ko ung sarili ko na iba ung gusto ko.,

Anu ba kasalanan ko at ganito ung nararamdaman ko?., anu ba nagawa ko para pahirapan ako ng ganito?., mali ba ako?., hindi ko naman to ginusto., hindi ako ang pumili nito., ni wala namang pagpipilian na ibinigay sa akin., wala., mahirap., sobra.,

sa ngayon ito nanaman ako at nakatitig sa aking kwaderno at unti unting naglalabas ng mga saloobing hinding hindi ko naman masasabi at mailalabas ng harapan.,

Dear You...(Sana Bukas)

Nais na kitang kalimutan., nais ko nang lumaya sa pagkakakulong sa nararamdaman kong ito., hindi ko man nasabi sa iyo pero kailangan ko nang tapusin ang kung anu man ang para sa akin ay isang malaking pangarap.,

isang malaking pangarap na paulit ulit ko na lang ginagawa., isang malaking kamalian na ang tanging paraan lang para maitama ay ang paglayo., hindi ko man kayanin sa pisikal na aspeto kailangan ko naman itong kimkimin sa aking isipan at kalooban.,

sinu nga ba naman ako para sa iyo?., hindi ako isang malaking kawalan sa buhay mo kung magpakalayo layo ako., pero hindi ko kaya., ikaw ang taong sabay na nagagawa ang ako'y paligayahin at saktan., saktan sa paraang ako lamang ang nakakaalam.,

oo hindi mo nga alam na nakakasakit ka., pero hindi mo talaga ito kasalanan., hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan kung hindi ako dahil hinyaan ko ang aking sarili na damhin ang lahat., ako ang mali sa aspetong ito dahil umasa ako., umasa sa isang malaking kahibangan.,

nabuhay ako sa aking sariling mundo., isang mundong puno ng pangarap na tanging sa ilusyong mundo ko lang kayang makamtan.,  hindi man halata sa aking kilos pero may mga bagay na talagang hindi ko maiwasang masaktan., hindi ako galit., dahil wala akong karapatang magalit., wala ako sa lugar para magalit sa isang taong walang kaalam alam sa mga bagay bagay.,

sa sarili ko lang ako dapat magalit dahil nandirito nanaman ako., nandirito nanaman ako sa isang sitwasyon kung saan ako ang talo., parating ako ang talo sa dulo't dulo.,

pero sana...sana...sana bukas o sa isang araw matuto na ako., matuto sa paulit-ulit kong pagkakamaling ito...

-J

my hands are up...let me just give up...

My hands are up! I'm giving it up!., I don't want this no more.,I guess its time that I move forward and forget everything., The feeling that I have been trying to deal with for quite a long time now.,

This time i'll let it go before this makes an even bigger mark in my life., i have always been like this., feeling something for someone but never had the guts to tell them how I feel., and then finally realizing that what I want is something that that person can't give back.,

I know not even trying to tell that person what I feel is part of the long list of mistakes I keep on doing but what can I do when I am afraid that that same fact keeps me and that person together., hiding these feelings for this person keeps us what we are and what we will always be.,

Now I am choosing what I will win and what I will lose., I am taking chances eventhough i'll feel pain., I don't want to stand by the side and watch my life pass me by.,

"So what if it hurts me, so what if I break down, so what if the world just throws me off the edge my runs out of ground....I just want to be happy" :P

...spacing out...

I made up my mind,
I don't care what other people would say
As long as you feel the same way.
I would go to the end of the world with you,
I know it's not easy,
I try to convince myself,
I just want want to be close,
just close enough to know you and me better.
Something more than that is what we'll have to see.

Love needs courage, to face the rumors.
All I need is a firmlook from you,
then my love would have meaning.
We need courage to believe in us.
I can feel you through the crowd,
Please put your heart in my hands.

I have never taken any risks in my life,
Risks that I would not know the outcome.
But with you i'm ready to take it all,
even if it meant breaking me into pieces.

When i'm in love I can't help to be a moth,
attracted to the fire that can help but burn.
I can live for love and I can die for love.

...4 Persons...

Life is the process of finding love; every person will need to find four people in their life.

First person is you.

Second person is the one you love most.

Third is the person who love you most.

And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your love.

Before you can ever find love, you first have to realize what LOVE to you means and essentially directs that knowledge of love to Yourself. After all, you can never really truly give love to anyone unless you have love for your own self. That is why the First Person is you.

After you've established what love means to you, you now brave the fight of shraing yourself and your love to someone else. To this person, you give more that you were capable of and you love without really knowing why, how or what for. You just do. This is the person (you) love the most. Your second person.

Because you know how it is to truly love, you then accept the fate of being loved beyond your own understanding. Here comes the love that brings you back that memory of that Second Person. You recognize the feeling, only it doesn;t spring out of you, but rather, directed to you. After having given your all to someone, you now find the person who will love you the most. Enter, your Third person.

After you've been through the peaks and valleys of love, onceyou've experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you realize exactly what you need. And when you finally piece it (and yourself) all together, you find that one person who fits the bill; the person who suits you -perfectly enough to spend the rest of your life with. This is your Fourth Person.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love the most doesn't love you the same way; the one who loves you most, is never the one you love the best, and the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you  most. He is just the person who happens to be at the right place, at the right time in you life.

So now tell me this:

Which person are you in other people's life?

Which person have you found so far?

In this world so big, which person have you found?

And who has found you?

- This one was given to me by an officemate to read. It is given to him by a friend of his. Hope this inspires you the way I was.

...Dear You..

Dear You,

Ito ako ngayon at litong lito sa mga nararamdaman ko sa bawat pagdaan ng araw., hindi rin naman kita masisi sa kung anu man ito dahil may kasalanan din naman ako.,

Kasalanan kong hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na madama ito, ng hindi ko man lang itinanong muna kung kaya ko ba?., hindi ko man lang naisip na paulit ulit na lang ako sa bagay na ito., ni hindi ko man lang naconsider na ako nanaman ang aasa at masasaktan pagdating ng araw.,

sabihin ko man na hindi ko inaasam na humigit pa ang kung ano man ang meron sa atin eh hindi ko rin naman maloloko ang sarili ko tungkol sa kung anu man ang nararamdaman ko para sayo.,

kung minsan gusto ko na lang sabihin sayo na sana dumating ang isang araw na ako na rin ang nilalaman ng isip at puso mo., pero naiisip ko na mas malaki pa rin ang posibilidad na ang pangarap ko ay isang malaking pangarap na lang, wala na itong patutunguhan kung hindi ang dahan dahan kong tanggapin na ang bawat taong mamahalin ko ay hindi maaring ibalik ang kung anu man ang ibinibigay ko.,

hindi ko sinasabi sa iyo na suklian mo ang kung anu man ang nararamdaman ko para sayo dahil una sa lahat hindi mo naman ito obligasyon at higit sa lahat hindi naman ikaw ang nagsabi sa akin na damhin ko ang nararamdaman ko.,

oo magulo ako sa mga bagay bagay pagdating sa puso kasi hindi ko pa alam kung papaano magkaroon ng isang taong mahal ako at ipinapadama nya ito sa akin ng walang pag-aalinlangan., magulo ako sa kadahilanang hindi ko pa alam kung paano ang ibigin., magulo ako sa kadahilanang
hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit ako nahuhulog ng ganito sa isang tao na kahit alam kong aasa lang ako at masasaktan.,

patuloy pa rin ako sa ganitong sitwasyon., ilang beses man akong nasaktan ay ito pa rin ako bumabalik nanaman sa simula., balik sa kung saan man nagsisimula ang unti unting paglaki ng butas nitong aking puso.,

sabihin ko man sa aking sarili na isang araw may darating din na para sa akin ay hindi ko na maitatago ang kakulangan na aking ninanais nang punan., wala ngang nagsabi na magiging madali ang lahat., pero wala rin namang nagsabi na ganito kahirap ang ganito.,

-Jhay

...want to be known for doing this?...

Just because you think that something is cool doesn't mean that it is cool for everyone.

I have nothing against the trends today because I don't really mind what other people wants to do with their lives but in this case where my name can be related to something that other people are doing is just not right.,

I am referring to the PLM Planking., Yes!., Students from my Alma Mater are doing it., I really don't care whether they do it or not., what bothers me is that they are doing it wearing our uniforms and using the University's name.,

Is that what they want to be known for?., just like what my classmate said in his post at facebook., here is what he said.,

Imagine this in a job interview. The interviewer did some background search and then said, "Oh, you're from PLM. I saw your page for Planking. You must be good at it. Sample! Sample!" You know it's an exaggeration. It's funny but it's not how it should be.

I wouldn't want that to happen to me, that is not the way I want to be known for., especially when there is a really really tough industry out there., yes it is tough out here at the real world.,

Not to boast but I do know that students at PLM are the creme of the crop., we are called ISKOLARS., when people ask where I graduated and I would reply "from PLM" their initial reaction is "whoa, so you are really bright"., I don't want the day to come when I say I came from PLM and all they could say is that "is that where the students are so good at Planking?".,

I have read about planking and I found out that this is a game where you pose lying face down in unusual places., A game?., what would you get if you do that?., what's the prize?.,

Yeah! yeah! call me a "kill joy" person but what would you get by doing that., except dirty shirts and threatening your life?., I cannot see what people are trying to achieve by doing that.,

Again, I have nothing against people doing Planking what I am bothered about is that these students are using the university's name and uniform, that is just plain "NOT RIGHT".,

10 for 22

Looks like it's just a little time until one of the best days in my life is gonna happen.,  No it's not the day that i'll win the lottery and also not the day that I will be a star coz already I am., (just kidding)., ;)
well, kidding aside I will be celebrating my 22nd (ouch! please stop the aging process) birthday., yeah! yeah! I am starting to get old but hey! I can always pretend to be young and also I am young at heart and mind ("isip-bata").,

just to keep this short and simple this is 10 things that I would like to have for my birthday., well not all the things listed here are material things and not all the material things listed here can be bought with one swoop.,

10. New Hoodie Jacket., Well my trusty old jacket (if I may call it a jacket) is now doing me service for more than 1 year so I guess it's just the right time to have a new one., so that I can have alternate jackets at the office., I've been tired washing my jacket on Sundays and to the best of my luck when Mondays come it is not all dried up.

9. A Rubber shoes (you know what I want!)., again I only have one rubber shoes and it came from Cartimar., hehe., I am not complaining about that but I guess it is time for me to have at least one original rubber shoes., I've not have any original rubber shoes since 1st year college and now that I am working I still don't get to buy an original one! (huhuhuhuhuhu!)., :'( but for sure i'll have one...

8. A Sport shirt., lately i've been hooked up with playing badminton and I really don't have a proper outfit., well I was envy of some of my playmate's shirts so I just want to have one., hehe., did I mention that I ripped my shorts apart the last time I played Badminton., that was just pure embarrassing.,

7. A nokia C7., I am not saying that I don't like my phone but I guess it's just the time that I give my good old phone a little break., or maybe pass it on to my parents., why C7?., I really don't know why but when I first saw that phone I just told myself that I should have one of that one of these days., but that "days" hasn't come yet!., hehehe.,

6. A Starbucks Tumbler., just really really want to own one., hehehe., ;)

5. Time., I just want to have more time for myself to enjoy the things that I want to do., hehehehe., a little less time for stress and a bit more time for fun.,

4. To Travel (in and outside the country)., yes!., I want to travel., even though not abroad., I just want to travel the Philippines., see different places with my friends., and take snapshots of the memories there., hehe.,

3. Patience., i've been starting to lose my patience in waiting these couple of months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds., so please please grant me some patience

2. Someone to call my own - enough said!., and can you please add a dash of confidence to tell the one that I like that I like them., hehehehe., ;)

1. Stronger Faith., needs to have a deeper relationship with HIM!


I will not demand for everything on this list to be mine this coming birthday of mine but my plan is to get them a step at a time and after a year before my birthday I hope I have erased most of the things here and have a spot for the new ones.

wala lang...

Ito ako ngayon nakaupo sa isang sulok ng kwarto at nakatingin sa kanya habang mahimbing siyang natutulog sa aking tabi. Pinagmamasdan ang kanyang maamong mukha. Isang maamong mukha na nakapagpabago ng lahat sa isang iglap lang.

Naaalala ko pa ang mga nangyari...

Matagal tagal na panahon na rin kaming hindi nagkikitang magkakabarkada. Ilang taon na kaming di nagkakasama-sama para magkwentuhan at mag-asaran.

Sinama kita papunta sa bahay ng isa kong kaibigan kung saan kami magkikita kitang magbabarkada. Niyaya kita na sumama at laking gulat ko ng madali ko kitang napapayag na ako'y samahan.

Nasa byahe tayong dalawa papunta sa aking kaibigan ng matanong ka kung bakit ikaw ang aking niyaya. Isang simpleng sagot lang ang narinig mo sa akin. "Wala lang...". Isang ngiti lang ang namutawi sa iyong mukha.

Pagdating na pagdating natin sa bahay ng aking kaibigan ay pumasok na kami agad at naupo sa kanilang sofa. Hinugot nya ang kanyang cellphone at nagtext. Alam ko kung sinu ang kanyang kausap. Ang kanyang kasintahan.

Dumating na rin ang aking mga kaibigan at nagsimula na kaming magkulitan. Ipinakilala kita sa kanilang lahat at mabilis namang naging palagay ang loob nila sa iyo. Mabuti na rin iyon para hindi ka naman ma OP. Kwentuhan, asaran, kulitan, at kung anu anu pang kabulastugan nanaman ang ginawa naming magkakaibigan.

Sinimulan na rin ang inuman. Dahan dahang itinatagay ang isang maliit na baso na may lamang alak. Unti unti ng kinain ng espiritu ng alak ang ating mga kamuwangan. Mas naging maingay at makukulit tayong lahat. Nawala ang mga hiya. Naging maingay at magulo ang lahat.

Di naman ako malakas uminom kaya't ilang ikot ng mga tagay ay may tama na ako. Itinigil ko ang pag inom dahil alam kong di ko kakayanin kapag tumuloy pa ako. Para mawala ng kaunti ang aking tama nagprisinta akong lumabas para bumili ng mapupulutan. Mejo natagalan kami ng isa ko pang kaibigan dahil medyo nalibang kami sa pagkwekwentuhan

Mas naging maingay na kayo ng aking mga kaibigan ng kami'y makabalik hindi ko alam kung bakit pero natuwa rin ako sa aking mga nakikita. Ramdam ko na malapit na kayo sa isa't isa. Parang isa ka na rin sa amin.

Hindi ko na pinoproblema kung makakasabay ka sa akin dahil alam kong isa ka na rin sa amin.

Nagtungo ako sa kusina para ayusin ang aming mga binili. Naunang lumabas sa akin ang kaibigan ko at ako na lang ang mag-isang naiwan. Dahil sa ayaw ko ng uminom at alam kong may mga tama na kayo nagpasya akong maghilamos upang mahimasmasan ng kahit kaunti.

Masaya ako dahil nakasama kita dito sa okasyong ito. Masaya ako at nakilala mo ang mga kaibigan ko. Masaya ako, tapos.

Paglabas ko ng kusina ikaw ang una kong napansin. Tumayo ka sa kinauupuan mo at lumapit sa akin. Bumulong ka sa akin at sinabing "I'm Sorry...". Natigilan ako sa iyong ginawa. Nanlamig ang buo kong katawan. Di ako makagalaw. Anu ang ibig sabihin ng iyong ginawa? Ano ang kahulugan non sa akin? Sa atin?

Wala akong nagawa. Ni hindi ko man lang napigilan ka sa ginawa mo. Ni hindi ko man lang alam kung anu ang magiging reaksyon ko. Natapos ang ilang sigundo ay umalis ka na sa harapan ko. Natapos ang ilang segundo na hindi ko man lang maintindihan kung anu ang nangyari.

Bumalik ako sa kinauupuan ko na magulo pa rin ang isip. Biglang nagsalita ang isa ko pang kaibigan. "Bakit ka namumula?. Dahil ba hinalikan ka nya? Hehehehehe...". Biglang turo sa iyo. Biglang sabat naman ng isa pa na "O tuloy na natin ung game... o sinu na next?"

Madaling araw na ng matapos ang kasiyahan kaya't nagpasya na lang ang lahat na doon na lang matulog. Nasa terrace akong mag-isa at naka-upo. Iniisip ang mga nagyari kanina.

Umupo ka sa aking tabi at binangga mo ang aking siko. "Anung meron? Seryoso ka ata?". Ang sabi ko nama'y "Wala lang".

"Ah ganun ba? Sorry kanina ha?".

"Wala lang yun sa akin. Pero bakit ka pumayag? At saka..."

Di ka na nakasagot sa tanong kong iyon. Nasandal na ang ulo mo sa aking balikat at ikaw mahimbing nang nakatulog. Di mo na maririnig ang mga nasabi ko...

"sana di mo na ginawa yun. Lalo lang akong nalito sa kung ano man itong nararamdaman ko para sayo. Alam kong mali ito pero di ko to kayang pigilan. mali ba ako?...hindi ko naman to ginusto eh., hindi ako ang pumili nito...ni wala ngang choice na binigay sa akin eh...wala...mahirap...sobra...may ibig sabihin ba iyong halik na yun?...bakit ka ba kasi pumayag sa hamon nila?...bakit?..."

...

Ito ako ngayon nakaupo sa isang sulok ng kwarto at nakatingin sa kanya habang mahimbing siyang natutulog sa aking tabi. Pinagmamasdan ang kanyang maamong mukha. Isang maamong mukha na nakapagpabago ng lahat sa isang iglap lang.

Naghihintay

Matagal tagal na rin akong nakaupo sa silyang ito.

Napa-aga ata ako ng dating kung kaya't wala pa ang hinihintay ko. Sanay naman ako maghintay eh, ilang beses na rin kasi akong naupo dito sa pwestong ito para maghintay ng kung sinu man ang susundo sa akin.

Hindi ako mareklamong tao kaya kahit tirik na tirik ang sikat ng araw eh may ngiti pa rin sa aking mga labing masisilayan. Hindi nakakunot ang aking noo. Pinagpapawisan pero hindi ko na ito pinapansin, may dala naman akong panyong pamunas.

Ilan minuto pa ang lumipas at wala pa rin sya. Kaya ko pa naman maghintay kaya nilibang ko na lang muna ang sarili ko. Nagmasid ako ng mga taong napapadaan sa akin harapan. May iba't ibang katangian. May masaya, may malungkot. Iba ibang mukha.

Isang bata na hinahabol ang kanyang laruang bola ang napadaan sa harapan ko. Napangiti ako. Naalala ko nung bata ako. Musmos na walang muwang. Musmos na walang pinoproblema kung hindi ang kanilang laro at gutom. Musmos na ang nasusugatan lang ay ang balat. Musmos na ang tanging sakit lang na nararamdaman ay ang sugat sa katawan at ang palo ng nagmamahal na magulang.

Wala pa rin siya...

Maingay na dumaan naman ang isang barkada sa aking likuran. Nilingon ko sila dahil naalala ko ang aking mga kaibigan. Naalala ko ang mga biruan at harutan namin. Mga kulitan na nagpatatag sa aming samahan. Ang mga inuman na lalong nagbigay sa amin ng dahilan para maging malapit. Ang mga problemang bumuhos sa bawat sandali nito. Ang mga luha at tawa na aming pinagsaluhan. Sa mga panahong akala ko ay wala na ang lahat ngunit sila'y nandyan pa rin. Takbuhan, kakulitan, at karamay.

Ilang minuto pa ang dumaan. Wala pa rin ang aking hinihintay.

Tinext ko sya kung nasaan na sya.

Ilang minuto pa ulit ngunit walang sagot. Napaisip ako, baka naligaw? baka natrapik? nasabi ko ba kung saang lugar? nandito lang naman ako, hindi ako umaalis sa kinalalagyan ko. hindi ba nya ako makita?

Umupo sa tabi ko ang isnag magkasintahan. Mukhang galit ang isa at ang isa naman ay walang humpay ang pagso-sorry. Nangiti ang una at bigla silang nagyakap. Nagkukulitan na sila. Sweet silang dalawa. Nahiya ako nang mapatingin ako sa kanila. Naiinggit,. Hindi pa sya dumarating.

Napaisip ako ulit.

Nagsimulang umambon, wala akong payong na dala. Hindi naman sya ganoon kalakas kaya hindi na ako nag-atubiling umalis pa sa aking pwesto baka dumating na sya.

Maya maya pa'y may pumarang sasakyan sa may bandang di kalayuan. Alam kong sya na yun. Sya na ang hinihintay ko. Bumaba siya mula sa sasakyan at naglabas ng payong. Naglakad siya patungo sa aking direksyon ng may ngiti sa kanyang mukha. Akoy tumayo sa akin kinauupuan at dahan-dahang tumungo sa kanya. Habang ako'y papalapit ay unti-unti ring lumalakas ang buhos ng ulan na parang bang may sinasabi.

Kaunting hakbang na lang ngunit bigla syang dumiretso papalayo sa akin.

Parang di man lang ako nakita. Ako'y natigilan...napatingin sa kanyang patutunguhan. Bumagsak ang aking luha kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan...di ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin...di ako makakilos...wala akong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak...

Tumigil na ang ulan...tumigil na rin ang aking pagluha...wala naman akong magagawa...wala...hanggang dun lang kami...yun lang un...makikita ko lang sya pero hindi sya sa akin patungo...makakasalubong ngunit hindi ako hihintuan...hanggang dun na lang...

Ilang saglit lang ang nakaraan wala na siya. At ako naman'y naiwan ulit dito sa aking kinalalagyan. Naglalakad patungo sa dating silya kong kinalalagyan. Sa isang silyang naging saksi sa lahat. Balik sa simula.

Balik sa paghihintay. Paghihintay sa kung sino man ang darating at ako'y susunduin. Ako'y maghihintay, kahit ako'y nasasaktan.

Paulit ulit. Maghihintay. May darating. Hindi pwede. Aalis. Makakalimot. Ako'y masasaktan

Ako'y maghihintay muli.

...shorts...

this is just going to be a very short post since I am having another writer's block.,


well [insert name here]'s been running constantly on my mind., I have even dreamt about [insert name here] for two days., the first one was [insert name here]'s name and the second time was in person., all I could remember from the second dream was that [insert name here] was sitting on a chair and that we are talking., and then we bumped shoulders., hehehe., that's just about it., ;)., i am so kilig!.,


i really cant get [insert name here] out of my mind., from the time I wake up, when trying to take a nap, before going to sleep., (siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhh!)., i've even thought of [insert name here] while attending the mass., ;)., I have to stop this., i have to., I know i have to., I need to...

...I just want to be...

I have joined a 30 day song challenge in facebook where in you are to post music videos for 30 days., there are different categories per day., so my first day is today, and the category that was assigned for day 01 was my favorite song., I was taken aback a little bit by the category since I have a lot of favorite songs., I have liked many genre of songs that I really can't single out what I would post., but then...I just realized that I have a song that may summarize everything that I want to say., from the beginning., everything that I have been feeling., I just want to be happy., a song for me.,

Happy

by Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
on't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

Photo from: http://i.olhares.com/data/big/282/2821291.jpg

...really confused...

I played hide and seek with my friends a few days ago. But until now, I'm still not found. Maybe, I hid too well, but I'm just standing here, and I didn't even hide. - Anonymous

...apologizing...

Photo from: http://pursuinghispurpose.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/sorry.jpg

i thought that this "thing" about [insert name here] will not be much of a big deal for me since this isn't the first time that I have secretly fallen for someone., by the way i am very good at it., hiding my feelings for someone., hehehe., ;)

rather showing [insert name here] my feelings I have made subtle moves to show [insert name here] that something is up., hehehe., schemings that led into ME, falling even more deeply with [insert name here].,

now i'm confused with everything., confused of whether this is just an infatuation or is it something beyond that., confused as to whether this is right or wrong (but the fact that I know that it is really wrong makes it more difficult)., i know [insert name here] and I will never have anything more than what we have right now because [insert name here] has someone., i'll just have to accept the fact that [insert name here] and I are just friends., friends is all we ever could be and that's just about it.,

i won't confess to [insert name here] cause it is bending the rules (here i go again with the rules!)., hehehe., but i'm happy that i am having a great time whenever we are together (cannot mention how we are having a great time since it may exploit [insert name here]'s identity)., hehehehe., ;)

if ever [insert name here] is reading this.,

please never mind everything i just said., i am not in the position to beg for you since there are circumstances that I have to consider and also, you have to consider., sorry if I am not being vocal., sorry if i can't express this in front of you., sorry., I am really very sorry., and also sorry that I am feeling this way towards you., i am very sorry.,

Photo from: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguetaZ66qHZJxj0Ao21SMpSvYaVBAx55OtbIVPFkeAc_u1eOo98MIaLdFMg3ax2h2jUQPvL44mOrBojtbMKi8UP-ZlU75bJmynYJ6houhv5EA3EasKh1DC0Ruke67euaMcrrxnV8D0_4k/s1600/im-sorry.jpg

...can't get enough...

"I'm in love, sweet love
Hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame
I'm in love, sweet love
Don't you ever go away, it'll always be this way"

"But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth"

"I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth,
Out on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment with you" 

"Why oh Why, Do I feel this way?
When I'm with you I feel so alive
Why oh Why, will I hide away
I can't help it
I'm falling in love with you"

"Maybe, it's wrong to say please love me too
'Cause I know you'll never do
Somebody else is waiting there inside for you
Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day"

"My heart is playing tricks on me
And it's building bricks on me
I can't break through
And I can't face you"

"So I hid inside
(Till) I almost died
Yes I hid inside and I cried
A loving heart in a sensitive man
Hiding inside myself"

"Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you"

...secretly inlove...

I really don't like to admit this here but I am secretly inlove with someone right now., i can't really mention any names here because I am not in the position to post any names without the consent of the persons involved (and for the fact that I am afraid...remember bending the rules?).,


i have been with this person for not a very long time but come to think of it I never actually noticed [insert the name here] until lately., ;)


this post won't be that long since I might spill out details and [insert the name here] might find out!., i am just bothered today because I can't get [insert the name here] out of my mind., i think of [insert the name here] everytime, at night, before sleeping, when I wake up in the morning., haaaaayyyyy!!., i can't get enough of [insert the name here].,


I can't tell [insert the name here] that I have feelings., I'll just stay here and be an admirer., hehehe., ;)


that's it for now., i think i'll have to create a new blog so that i can let everything spill out., hehehe., ;)

...bending rules...

I am feeling the same feeling again., I don't know whether this is correct but I cannot escape this., I am trapped in a constant, never-ending cycle., everytime I move forward i'll be back to square one.,

I don't want to continue because there are rules., rules that we need to obey., to follow., rules that don't bend., rules that if bended will have greater consequences., 

I'm afraid of what could happen if I bend most of them., I have bended one already and may I just say that it is not easy., it is really not easy to have bended a rule that was never meant to be broken.,

I have read in an article titled In A World Without Rules the consequences of having no rules but the rules that are being described here are rules about justice., rules that prohibits people from doing bad things like killing and other crimes., what I am bending are unwritten rules., rules that are just instilled in the mind of people.,

"I don't think there would be a such thing as 'good' if there were no rules. There would be nothing to compare it to. If there were no models for people to say "okay, this is a good person, and this is a bad person" then we couldn't really say what's good or bad. I think the existence of rules keeps people from deviating from the norm for fear of consequences, but if there were no negative consequences for people's actions, people could ideally, do whatever they wanted without fear of retribution or being outcasted."

the quotation above is a part of the article., in my mind i would refer the rules here as the unwritten rules., that is why I can relate very much., yes it is true people are afraid to be deviant for the fact that they are afraid., afraid of all the things that may happen and will eventually happen., that's just about it!., all of us are afraid., whether you deny it or not, there is always a part of you that doesn't want to go beyond the unwritten rules., it is innate in every human., we cannot escape that., that's a fact., a fact., fact.,

for that someone who will come eventually...

I just have a question...

just one...

would you bend the rules for me?

...questions...

who?...who am I?...why am I bothered by this question?...why is it that everyday is like the same?..why is it the same?...why can't I find me?...where?...where in the world would I find my self?...is it behind those closed doors?...is is somewhere I know?...why am I making my self believe?...why is it that I am not happy?...is there a way for me to change?...are there any other places where I should be?...why am I like this?...did I choose to be this?...is everything planned?... why can't I comprehend?...why is there something missing?...why do I keep on guessing?...when will I start to understand?...when will I stop chasing?...who am I chasing?...is someone out there?...or am I just running?...where was I running from?...running to?...can anybody hear me?...can someone stop me?...how will I get there?...do I have to fly?...what if I fall?...is someone there to catch me?...is there someone out there for me?...why am I repeating myself?... why aren't tears falling?...am I strong?...but why is my heart breaking?...am I weak?...am I that fickle?...am I bound to be like this forever?...forever?...forever alone?...forever hiding in fear?...forever hiding these tears?...why is there rejection?...why is there pain?...why do I have all these questions?...can someone answer?...except God is there someone else?...when will you come?...how long will I wait?...where would I find you?...how would you reach me?...how would I reach you?...why are you taking so long?...why is it taking so long?...are you lost?...am I lost?...when will I be found?...should I search?...should I stay put?...when would I feel not alone?...when will I feel someone's touch?...when can I hold somebody's hands?...when can I feel the warmth of an embrace?...when can I say that someone is mine?...why?...who?...where?...how?...when?...

...from me to you...

Dear you,

Hi!., How have you been doing?., Well, for the most part I am doing well but still something is missing., I know I sound emo-ish again, but what can I do?., I cannot force myself to be so happy at all times., I cannot force a smile outside while my heart is tearing apart.,

In reality…I am doing just opposite of that., I am not OK., I am hiding behind a mask of smile and laughter., I am slowly being consumed by the sadness that is surrounding my heart., hehe., I am laughing because I don’t sound like myself anymore., I feel like I’m a different person., it’s like someone took over and made me this way.,

I said I would never look for you anymore cause I know that one of these days you are going to come but I can’t help thinking when?., where?., how?., questions that just won’t get out of my mind., they keep on lingering whenever I am alone to myself., I always wonder.,

Why am I stuck in this black hole?., why can’t I get out of this ship going under., i'm in shallow waters but I am drowning...and fast., 

Is there anything wrong with me?., can you please tell me?.,

When will you notice me?., when will you...

Sincerest,

Jhay

...at last...

At last the internet connection here at our home has been fixed and I can now do the blogging here.,
Just some recent updates about the past weeks that have passed (at least on my point of view)., hehehehehe.,

Last Thursday the whole Team went into a Lunch out at DADS where in the eat-all-you-can buffet was sooooooooo good., I've eaten so much there that I didn't ate dinner., wow that was really a good place to eat and especially the fact that everything was paid by our Project Manager., hehehehe., I don't want to elaborate on stuffs but my team mates know something.,

Photo from: http//www.kamayansaisakidads.com

The next day, Friday, dinner out at Chili's where we tried their unlimited/bottomless Margarita., I could say that it is just like a shake because of their flavors which is Mango, Strawberry, and a mix of both., hehehehe., again it's free., so I have had a very great time eating the food away.,

Photo from: http://dealiciousdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Season1_Logo1.jpg

I am telling you I am getting bloated because of the constant eating out with my friends and team mates., hehehehehehe.,

The next day, Saturday, I got a text message from my college friend inviting me to get together with them., we met up at Robinson's Malate and there we started planning for the night., hehehe., we ate at Gumbo where their Jambalaya was soooooooo good., but it was a bit too pricey for me because there are only four of us, we have to pay 500 per person., but I think it is really worth it since we got full and the food is good., I would not say it was to die for but it is good., yummmmm!!!!., then we went into Synder for some quality video-oke time., we had a blast and went home about 3 in the morning., ;)

Photo from: http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4055/4231203492_a2e4ce0273_z.jpg

Then, just this week (my memory is really a mess today because I had a drink last night., hehehehehehe., ;)) we went to Kanin Club together with some new Bootcampers., hehehehehe., should I say the Crispy Dinuguan was really to die for., as in it is really good., no it was not good it was fantastic., hehehehehe., then the Spicy seafood was also good., the Aligue Rice was not really a favorite of mine so I just went for the plain fried rice., then the Crispy Pata!., I know that this is really bad for my health but what can I do when the scrumptious meal is at my reach., uuuummmmm(i just indulged my self into it)., lastly is the Seafood Kare-Kare I was so full that I did not tried that one., but given the chance again i would really love to try it., hehehehehe., the bill was also not that high., I mean for the ten of us that ate and got full we only paid 200 per person., that means our bill is only above 2000 Php., that's a great deal., I mean the food was great and the service is OK., the only thing is, the place was a bit crowded and it is a bit hot even if the aircon was turned on., hehehehehe., oh! i forgot to mention that the Kanin Club branch that we went to is at Ayala Triangle., it is near Amici and Bannapple.

Just last night me and my QA Bootcamper Family (The Bullies) had a night out at Central 2., we had a great time bonding with the new batch of QA Bootcampers together with someone special., hehehehehehe., blushing., thanks to Uncle Walton for paying for the booze and the food., hehehehe., I had a blast!., hehehehehehe.,

I'll update once in a while since I am tranferring into another project at work so I have to read tons and tons of document., whew! I thought I will be on Pahinga Mode for a long time., but I am also thankful that I won't be on Bench since the utilization of every employee is being monitored and it is a plus factor for the performance evaluation, and for the Salary increase., hehehhehehe., thanks to God that I passed the interview with the indian over-all PM for the Automation Project., hehehehe., ;)

Oh! by the way i am very much excited for the coming weekend since me and my team mates together with some new bootcampers are going to Baler., this going to be a fun outing!., ;)

...just me and ...

I lock myself up,

In my own space I feel safe and comforted.

Talking to walls i'm like crazy,

my every feelings they have witnessed.

If only they had arms they'd hug me,

but they don't it's just me and the four corners.

I drown myself with music,

Everytime others start going at it.,

Turning the volume to its peak.,

Just to hear nothing.

If only they had mouths they's whisper,

but they don't it's just me and the music.

I'm still alone after all,

in this world i've created on my own.

Just me, beside myself,

Just things, all inanimate.,

Is there something wrong,

with me I don't know.

Wishing and hoping,

wondering when and where.

Is someone going to come and break my walls.

But until that day comes,

It's just me and ...

...myself alone.